


The Star That Guides You Home

by sinalpha



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Accident, Angst, Drama, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Identity, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutal Pining, Paramedic! Yuuri, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Victor cries a lot in this one, Yuuri is a Marvel fan, Yuuri is sassy, alternative ending, figure skating, guilt trips, victor is clueless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-04-11 17:05:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19114033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinalpha/pseuds/sinalpha
Summary: "Shh, it's okay. I'm here. I won't go anywhere.""You promise?""Yes, I promise. I will never leave your side."Oh Yuuri, what a bloody, skilled liar you are. And stupid,stupidme for believing it. You left me behind.When the Grand Prix Final starts with an accident that leaves Yuuri in a coma and Victor engulfed in guilt, all their hopes for a future together seem so far away. While Victor is trying to figure out his feelings, Yuuri is fighting a battle on his own. Caught between hoping and desperation, Victor is so happy Yuuri wakes up. But their happiness won't last long.Everything is changing and the path to their future is blocked by their own fragile hearts. In order to heal, they engage a journey that sends Yuuri with determination to Detroit and Victor with a broken heart back to Saint Petersburg.Little did they know, what seems to be the end of their story is just the beginning of a new one.Updates every other Friday!





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome on board! 
> 
> If you recognize the writing and the story, welcome back! Here I am again! For the people who have been with me since the beginning of 2017, thank you so much for sticking with me for such a long time! I appreciate every one of your comments and I love discussing the plot with you! Don't worry, the old story will not go anywhere and still bears the title of Can You Hear My Heartbeat. It has sort of become the working paper for this one and I took some of the chapters I completely edited over. The outcome will be different though and I am still positive about finishing the other one.
> 
> For new readers, welcome on board! I first started the story in 2017 and planned on abandoning ship, but then convinced myself otherwise. So here we are, in 2019, me in the middle of my final exams and a few months before starting a brand-new life at university, digging out this fossil together! A reason why I abandoned it back then was the inconsistency of everything that left no space for character development and plot. I basically wrote myself a dead end back then, but now, I am editing everything, fixing the grammar issues neither Microsoft Word nor Grammarly noticed that made me cringe every time I see them. 
> 
> Okay, long story short! Enjoy your stay! 
> 
> xx Faye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”  
> -Lao Tzu

**Yuuri's POV:**  
"After the finals, let's end this" I heard myself say. I slowly looked down to the ground, afraid to see Victor's reaction. What will he do? Will he be angry? Or disappointed? Or even sad? No, I don't want him to be unhappy!

I am doing this for him! If he can start competing again, then retiring is the least I could do for him. I owe him this. He...gave everything up to come to Japan to coach me. He deserved so much better than what I was pulling off. He belonged on the ice. His heart beats for the ice. The ice has this relentless call to him, and I knew, deep down I have always known, he would like to answer it instantly. But that would have meant for him to leave me and go back to competitive skating. He knew it, and I knew it too. I wanted him to be happy. I could see the longing in his eyes when he watched the other competitors skate their routines. He wanted to be out there too, competing against them.

"You have done enough for me, Victor," I said, still not daring to look him in the eyes. "Thanks to you, I was able to give everything I had to my last season" I hoped he couldn't see my tears. I did not want this, I really didn't. But this was for Victor's sake. I want him to answer the call of the ice. The glory of victory has never left his side, and I knew, he would like to just return the call. He wanted to be a competitive skater again. He just took a year off to gather new inspiration to surprise the audience even more. I didn't want to take that from him. I couldn't possibly take the pleasure in competing against other skaters and impressing the audience with his performance from him, never. I would rather quit than watch him do it. I already got further than I have expected, and I am satisfied. I have become more than I could ever dream of. Victor made sacrifices for me. Now, it was my turn to return the favour.

I knew he wouldn't approve it. I honestly did see it coming, he would get it the wrong way, but it had to be done. Victor, you have already sacrificed so much for me! It wasn't fair of him to quit skating just to train me! The last eight months had been the best eight months of my whole life! I found a new friend in him and maybe even...something more. It was something...I couldn't quite get the hold of. I couldn't explain to myself what it was that we had. I honestly didn't know, but it felt good. It felt like coming home. It felt safe. It felt... right. What was it? Could it be...love? I wanted to laugh. Love. Was it love? If anyone would have told me, we would one day be standing where we are standing right now, I would have told them to back off because it just seemed impossible. Me? The weak-minded, emotionally fragile, talentless, ordinary me; and Victor Nikiforov, the living legend of figure skating, the public's darling, the talented, creative, charismatic and lovable Victor. And yet here we are. Victor has never failed to surprise me.

Victor was the one I really trusted. He had gone from the man I admired and fangirled about, to the man... I felt more than just friendship. Victor was far more than that. I had seen every side of him, and I let him know every bit of me. Aside from Phichit, I have never let anyone this near to me. I have never given my heart to anyone, granting them the right to do everything with it. I have done it because I trusted Victor as much as his faith in me was genuine. We were a team. He and I could face off the whole world if we wanted to.  
With Victor...I felt invincible. The gold of GFP was in reach. Victor made me feel like everything was possible if only I believed. Victor showed me I could do anything if only I dared. If you had given me the Eros routine a year ago, I would have laughed, and I would have put up a hell of a fight against it. It just wasn't me! Victor had brought out a hidden side of mine. It had been buried so deep under all the self-consciousness I already forgot it was there. I didn't believe it existed in the first place until Victor challenged me to do find it. He truly has the ability to bring out the best out of everyone.

I slowly bent down. "Thank you for being my coach, Victor!" And then it happened. The worst scenario I had in mind, happened. My tears started falling down. I wanted to smile at him to encourage him to go back to his light, where he belongs. I lived my whole life in the shadow, and I got used to it. My life was in the shadows of everyone else, but Victor didn't belong here. Victor deserved better. He walks in the light while I am hiding in the shadows. Our two worlds should have never collided, yet they did, and now, here we are.

I lifted a hand to wipe those treacherous tears away. My tears have always been something I couldn't control. They came and went when it pleased them. They were the messenger of my treacherous heart that was breaking while I tried to smile. I was surprised to find my skin perfectly dry. My head snapped up. Victor's face was so close to mine. His hair was still wet, and tears were running down his cheeks. Victor was crying. I had never seen him cry before.

No, no, no, no, no! This isn't how this should be! This should have gone so differently! It should have been a happy ending! I wanted us to part on good terms, not like this. I wanted him to be happy, after all! I didn't want to upset him, not by any stretch of the imagination! And yet it happened.

"Victor" I gasped, trying to catch his eyes. But he did not look up. More tears made the way down his cheeks. Please, don't cry!

"Damn" He cursed. Yes, damn me! You are making it easier for me to let go of something, that kept me waking up every damn day. Figure skating was my life. But he had not finished yet. "I didn't think Katsuki Yuuri would be able of such a selfish decision." The words jabbed like shards into my heart.

 _Yes_ , maybe I was selfish! I have always been selfish! For the whole eight months, I had nothing in my mind than spending as much time with you just because I enjoyed it!

 _Yes_ , I was very selfish! I didn't send you right into the next plane back to Russia when we first met!

 _Yes_ , I did want to surprise you! I wanted it more than anything else!

I raised my hand to wipe away his tears. He should not be crying. Not for someone like me. Victor Nikiforov was destined to greatness, not to bury himself in my anxiety. Victor's head snapped up, and he slapped my hand away. I felt my eyes widen. What have I done? This slightest gesture hurt me so terribly. I have expected him to yell at me, fight with me, and I would have gone through it if it made him happier afterwards, but not this. Never _this_.  Never have I expected him to cry. I clutched my hand protectively to my chest, unable to look at him.

"What are you doing there?" He asked suddenly. I stared at him. Yes, what was I really doing? I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought it would make him happy to return to competitive skating. I really screwed up. I had every possible scenario in my mind, but it didn't include Victor crying. None of them included Victor crying, because... Victor never cries. The only tears I had seen him shed in the past few months, were the ones of joy. I was the one who was crying because I was scared.

My head began to spin, and dizziness overflood me. My ears rang. A weight was pressing down on my chest. I had trouble breathing. I looked up at Victor. My vision was a blur of tears.

"You said it would only be until the Grand Prix Final! Victor, it ends tomorrow!" I finally cried out. Victor just closed his eyes and shook his head. That had been his promise! That was the deal! Victor, I never planned to steal you from the world! You can't have something that has never been yours in the first place! Victor belonged to the world!

"I thought you would be asking me to stay longer. I thought you cared." And how I did! I cared about Victor more than I have ever cared about anything in my entire life! This is the reason I wanted him to be happy in the first place! His happiness meant more to me than any success, much more than winning gold or even being with him! Yes, I was ready to give up on him if it meant he could be truly happy!

"I hope you will think about it." He finally said and stood up. He did not look at me again, just walked over to his bed and switched off the light. The darkness embraced me. I felt a tear silently slip down my face. Victor's side of the bed shifted. I knew I wasn't going to sleep after this. It was horrible. I didn't want to anger him. I thought...I was doing the right thing. Even now, I still think it was the right thing. I gasped as a sob threatened to escape my throat. This was so wrong!

Suddenly, my forehead was thrumming, and a high-pitched ring went through my ears. I looked at Victor to check if it was from the outside. No, he lay there, his back to me, showing no reaction at all. This wasn't on the outside. This came from inside my head! Oh, God, what was happening? I let myself sink into the mattress and gathered the sheets around me. The heater was switched on, I did it myself earlier, but it was so cold! I tugged at the sheets and curled up into a protective ball. I probably got a cold. Right now, I needed sleep, and it will be better tomorrow. Shrinking into a tighter ball, I closed my eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

**Victor's POV:**

I couldn't believe what just happened. How could Yuuri do this to me? I thought we had something special. Some kind of a special bond. Why did he say this right now? I was on the verge of offering him to coach him for another year because his presence has become a pleasant constant in my life I never wanted to leave. When I first came to Japan and saw him skating the Eros routine, I had made up my mind: I am not leaving him again. I thought we could go on like this. I thought we were a team. I thought he cared.

Maybe I was wrong all along. Perhaps I was the only one who craved for him, and Yuuri just saw me as a coach, after all. Had I imagined all this? Has it ever been real? The kiss on international television, I could have sworn he had answered it! I had reached out for him, and he had whispered a response. In that tiny moment, I had thought I finally found what I have been looking for my whole life. Seems it had been an illusion after all. Maybe Yuuri didn't even care in the first place.

I had been foolish. Maybe Yuuri didn't know it, but he has long ago seduced me with his kindness, his good-heartedness, his shyness and the complete opposite of all above when he stepped on the ice. The raw Eros that radiated from him never ceased to surprise me. Every single time he looked at me and smirked, I felt my heart leap and flutter like a hummingbird against my ribcage. Is this how love felt? Is this how sincere, pure love felt?

I felt the mattress shift on the other side, but I did not turn around. I waited for Yuuri to turn to me and speak to me. My throat bobbled. The burning in my eyes increased. I could hear a single tear drop into my pillow.

Deep inside, I had always known, that one day, I would stop being his coach and be back at competitions. But I never dared to think it would come so soon. Eight months. In the eight months we spent together, Yuuri has become the closest thing to a family I ever had. I envied Yuuri. He always carried a piece of his family with him wherever he went. Sometimes, his sister would even come to encourage him. I felt so happy when I spotted her in the audience. I always felt so proud when she clapped and cheered for her brother.

In the past eight months, Yuuri has become my family. We were always together, and it seemed so simple. It was so simple that it hurts now. If you have something for your whole life and suddenly lose it, just then you will recognize how much it mattered to you. Yuuri has become the one solid rock in my life. I could cling to him when I was losing track. Even if he didn't do it consciously, he had kept me moving forward. I had so much fun with Yuuri. He was such a cute and kind human being, I am grateful to know him. In the past eight months, I really got to know him. I knew every single detail about him. About his anxiety, his fears of never being enough, his love for katsudon and figure skating.

So, how will this work now? He just runs away to let me shine again? As if I would let this happen! He was young, and of course, he had doubts. I had them too, but it will all end! Yuuri also will one day shine, just as I have. Yuuri, you are a rising star and one day, you are destined to shine through even the darkest nights. That day, I will let everyone see your true Eros. You will finally know your doubts had always been you underestimating yourself. You don't need to do it, really. Your victory, your fans are all product of your hard work. You deserve only the best.

Next, to me, Yuuri shifted, and I felt the whole mattress trembling. I turned around to see if he was alright. No, didn't look okay. He was clinging to the blanket as if his life depended on it. He had curled up into a small trembling ball. I wanted to embrace him and tug him tightly under my blanket, too, but I was afraid to touch him, not knowing how he would react. Was he crying? I slipped out under the blanket and stood up. I tiptoed to his side of the bed and gently put my sheet around him. It should ease it a bit. He was still wearing his glasses. The city lights shone through the blinds, throwing vertical rays of light over his beautiful face. I gently took the glasses off. His whole body was shaking.

I slipped to the wardrobe and pulled out the two spare sets of blankets. I tugged Yuuri tightly in one of them and put the other on my side. I kneeled down in front of him.

"Yuuri, can you hear me?" He didn't answer, but the trembling improved. "I am sorry. Please, rethink your decision. I will always respect it, but please let me stay close to you and never leave your side."

I suddenly knew what this feeling was that was gnawing at my heart the whole evening.

I wasn't sad. I wasn't angry.

I was heartbroken.

 


	2. Flying without wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is not feeling well, but still decides to compete. Meanwhile, Victor is having a serious talk with Yakov and Chris is the friend we all wish for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Stop leaving and you will arrive. Stop searching and you will see. Stop running away and you will be found.”   
> ― Lao Tzu

**Yuuri's POV:**

I loud noise pulled me from the delusional sleep. I couldn't really say I had slept well or even slept at all. It felt like merely a few minutes of sleep. I had woken up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat and panting. Victor had been sleeping, so had stood up, wandered to the bathroom and had splashed cold water into my face. The next time I woke up, I had been shivering. I had gathered the blankets I had kicked down during the night and tugged myself in. I was glad the season was nearly over. I was slowly getting sick.

I buried my face in the pillow to shield myself from the noise. What the hell was it? It hurt my ears. What time was it? I reached out to the nightstand only to find an empty pillow there. So...Victor was gone then? I slowly opened my eyes a bit and immediately shut them. The light was too bright. I reached out to the other side and found my phone lying there. I cried out as the display lit up. It felt like it was burning my eyes. I know, I didn't get enough sleep, but this bad? Oh God, how am I supposed to make it to the rink? Sunglasses in the middle of winter. I was glad I brought them anyway. I rolled to get up. And immediately regretted it. A loud ring sent through my head, and I cried out in pain. What was this? I wanted to bang my head on the wall if it could stop the pain.

Letting myself drop back into the mattress, I carefully opened one eye. The sunlight shone through the blinds. The spot next to me was neatly arranged and most of all... empty. This means I had angered him after all. I didn't want it. Suddenly, the ringing was back, and I gripped my head. Please, make it stop! I felt my eyes tear up. I gritted my teeth to stop myself from screaming. My head was thrumming, and I threw myself on my side. It only made it worse.

I hoisted myself out of the bed and crap, my head was spinning like a merry-go-round. I barely made it to my luggage before my knees collapsed and I fell over the chair. I gritted my teeth so hard my jaw hurt. Okay, fine, take a break and get up afterwards. I sat down on the ground, eyes closed and forced myself to breathe. The season was nearly over, and then I could afford to get sick, alright? Breathing out slowly, I pushed the chair away and pulled my bag to me. I rummaged through everything to find aspirin and paracetamol. I grabbed a bottle of water and washed down both pills.

Then, I just sat on the floor, staring at nothing precisely. I would make it. I would not stay until the results were announced and come back to the hotel. Maybe I was just too nervous, or I caught a flue. Everything would be alright then. I just had to skate my free program, and then I could let go of everything and rest. That's it! Just a few more hours.

 

* * *

 

**Victor's POV:**

I sat across from my old coach, Yakov. At the same time, Yurio shot me death glares. It wasn't exactly his fault that I was stealing his coach now. I didn't plan myself to continue competitions so soon again. It had been Yuuri's choice, and I wanted to respect it.

"So, now you want me to be your coach again? Enough playing the coach, Victor?" He asked and raised an eyebrow. I flinched at his critical scrutiny. Of course, he was angry. I had left Russia eight months ago without any explanation. But then, Yurio wouldn't be so competitive if I had never left.

"Maybe I was just destined to be a competitive skater my whole life" I winked and smiled. I had never stopped being a skater. I really wanted to help Yuuri, I really did. So I will respect his decision although I didn't like it. I had expected him to ask me to stay, but then he didn't.

"And what happens to the pig now? Does he skate without a coach?" Yurio spat out. He was definitely not a morning person. I grinned. Maybe coffee would help him?

"No, he is retiring" I announced. Yurio shot from his chair and braced himself on the table, spilling the coffee. Hey, he had coffee and didn't drink it? His eyes shot daggers at me.

"He is what?!" Yakov and my blond teammate shouted at the same time. I shrugged. So I wasn't the only one surprised. At least something. They both thought him of serious concurrence too.

"And you are letting him do it? What the hell have you done, old man?" Yurio asked and shot me a death glare again. Why was he asking me? And why was he calling me an old man? I wasn't that old! Okay, given I was near twice his age... I still was not old! Not yet!

"He chose retiring so I could compete myself" I sighed and shook my head. The tiny Russian sat down but did not stop glaring at me. What the hell have I done to him? I did want to skate again, but this price was too high for Yuuri to pay! Anyway, he shouldn't be the one to pay the price in the first place. If I had decided to go back to Russia, I would have told him. I would have asked for his opinion.

"And when do you plan on announcing this?" Yakov asked, sincerely.

"After the Grand Prix Final has ended" I immediately replied. I had time to think about it for the whole night. I did not get much sleep, mainly because Yuuri was crying in his sleep and stirring. Once, he kicked his blanket down, and I had to get it up and cover him, or he would catch a cold. A few hours later, I had fallen asleep, but it had grown hotter. He had his blankets kicked on me. The poor boy had been too nervous. And I had been too harsh. I wanted to apologise, but he did not wake up. He had been too tired to respond, so I had let him sleep in, so he could be in the best form today. I wanted him to win gold, I truly wanted. I promised him to get married after it, and I would kiss the gold medal. And maybe something else. So he needed to win.

Suddenly, it became deafening outside. I shot Yakov a questioning glance. He shrugged. The voice of the moderator came from the speakers. I looked at my watch, shocked. It was already that late? I didn't see Yuuri the whole morning, and now he was supposed to perform? Oh God, I was unresponsible as a coach! I knew Yuuri precisely struggled with anxiety, and it grew only worse before the competitions. I have seen it once, and it was scary. He shouldn't be alone right now. I shot up and yelling a quick goodbye over my shoulder, I dusted off. I needed to find him. He needed to be in his best condition before everything started. I needed to apologise so he could focus entirely on the performance. There was a medal at stake.

The fellow skaters were already standing on the ice. The warm-up. Was it already that late? I could spot Yuuri nowhere. I asked a few people, but no one had seen him. My heart dropped. Where was he? Did he oversleep? That was all my fault! Had I not run off to Yakov! He was supposed to be here!

Then, the curtain lifted and... he looked awful. Gorgeous but awful. Dark shadows were beneath his eyes, and he looked haggard. He staggered slightly, but I supposed that was his nervousness. His blue costume clung to him like a wet coat. It didn't fit anymore. It looked like Yuuri had lost weight overnight, but I knew better. He couldn't quite fit the costume anymore. All his confidence was done; therefore, he wasn't wearing the suit anymore. They were two separate beings that didn't mix. He should have let me do his hair. Strains of hair were hanging across his front, plastered. 

"Yuuri!" I called his name, but he didn't turn around. He was like a zombie in some creepy apocalypse movie. He moved near the rink and started warming up. At least, Chris was with him. 

 

* * *

 

**Yuuri's POV:**

I did not know how it happened, but I was dressed in my costume and off to the rink. My head had been spinning the whole time, and the taxi driver had looked at me with concern. He even offered to drive me to the nearest hospital, which I politely declined. Not now. The taxi arrived at the rink and where all the journalists were already waiting for us. I was glad I had sunglasses as their flashes made me want to shield my eyes from them. There were so many of them, and I felt like I was drowning. Someone grabbed my shoulders and pushed me forward. Inside. Safe.

Turning around, I found Chris in front of me. Closing the door behind him, he unzipped his jacket.

"Buddy, you okay?" He asked. I nodded. No, I was not okay. I felt like I was dead inside, and my outside didn't look much better the last time I checked. I was all puffy eyes, under eye bags and dark circles. I had wanted to laugh at my reflection. I looked exactly like how I felt.

Someone bumped into me, and I heard Chris gasp. "Sacre bleu! You look like a zombie!" I knew my sunglasses must have slipped partly from Chris' reaction and partly from the blinding light. "Didn't get much sleep, buddy? Okay, we need to get that fixed. To the changing rooms, right now." He pushed me forward, and I was glad for his help. My legs felt like they could just give up at any moment. "Boy, you look bad. Are you sick?" Worry strained his voice. I forced myself to a smile.

"Starting. This cold won't hold me back now. I can still make it to the end of the competition."

"Oh, I hope so! I am eager for your performance!" I just nodded and closed my eyes. Chris began camouflaging my under eye bags. "Boy, did you even sleep?" I just hummed in response. The aspirin was beginning its work, and it felt better than before. I shook my head. Chris sighed. 

"Did Victor go too hard on you again?" I beamed at him. How did he know? But...it wasn't Victor's fault, after all. I did this to myself. I did it to  _us_. "I'm not blind, Yuuri. I saw the look on your face in China. You look even worse than that now. Just know... Victor doesn't really have that brain to mouth filter," Chris winked. I forced myself to smile. No, this was something else. I broke his heart and my own. If Victor were ever to forgive me this one...

Chris patted my shoulder and stood up. "Come on, let's get you on the ice. Make Victor regret making you upset!" Chris was such a good person, I realised. He didn't even ask what really happened, he was just here for me. Urging me forward, he shoved me on the ice. Was I hallucinating already or was the ice more slippery today than ever? I told Chris about my thoughts. He just grinned. 

"You really need more sleep!" He tipped his head back and laughing, he pushed himself away. I shook my head and pushed myself off the wall too. 

I didn't know how long I had been skating or what I had been doing the whole time, as I had no single piece of memory from the past hour. It was weird. Phichit was suddenly next to me, dragging me off the ice as the competition was about to start. I remember myself nodding and following him obediently. He left me with Celestino, mumbling something about taking selfies to update his Instagram story. What happened afterwards...no idea.

The next time I was lucid, JJ was performing, I supposed. Everything was a blur, but I recognised the music. The aspirin did help, but not for long. My luck that I was performing in a few minutes. I turned my head and winced at the pain in my neck. Did I pull a tendon there too? Was that a bad omen?

"Yuuri?" Celestino tore me out of my trance, back into reality. "It's your turn now." I merely nodded, barely acknowledging what was happening. 

I focused on Victor. I haven't seen him yet, but this would be my last performance with him as my coach. I would never disappoint him. I want the dance to be perfect. I want to surprise him. I want him to never look away.

_Breathe._

I made my way onto the centre. I felt like coming home after a long journey. The audience cheered.

I could make it. I was just nervous. The piano began playing, and all insecurities fell off me. My legs moved with ease. I spread my arms and glided over the ice. It felt good. I was lucid again. The first one.

_Triple Flip._

I touched down. The ice felt like blades cutting through my skin. The audience gasped. There were dark spots across my vision. My breath became shorter, and every muscle began aching again. My head was spinning, and suddenly, I was so cold.

 _Come on_ , katsudon! Don't you dare giving up right now! Not  _now_! You made it this far!

Thank you, Victor, for taking me to this point. This performance is only for you. I will show you, my love. This isn't the end. I will continue skating with you if you still want it.

_Quad Salchow._

My knees slammed into the ice, and I heard the audience cry out. Someone screamed my name. My head spun, and my legs shrieked in protest, but I could not bother anymore. This was a competition. I had to ignore all my little complaints now! This did not matter! All that matters was my last competition. I gritted my teeth and spun up again. Bad decision. I am going to regret this one. I shoved my pain down and launched myself into the spread eagle. Then...nothing. The music was gone. I looked frantically towards the audience, searching for Victor only to find him staring back at me. There was nothing at all. There was no sound. I can't hear the music, I wanted to cry out. Instead, I gritted my teeth and pushed myself into the Ina Bauer. I couldn't take my eyes off Victor. What should I do? Someone needed to help me!

Your body remembers, has once one of my fellow graduates told me. I breathed out. My body remembers. Even if there was no orientation left and my head was clouded, my body memory still remains. I forced myself to breathe in. Alright then. Breathing out, I turned around. I have done this so many times. It was ingrained in my body. Every muscle, every cell even knew how it worked. Determined, I launched into the sequence. The silence was deafening. The light irritated me and the audience moving without a single sound unsettled me, but the thoughts are useless right now. For whom am I skating? Why am I doing this in the first place?  _Victor_. Victor, don't you dare take your eyes off me. This very performance is for your eyes only.

_The last combination._

I would make it! Only a few more! But the dark spots increased and nearly clouded my entire field of view. My head was on the verge of exploding. My legs were numb. I was unable to think. My heart sunk. The last jump. It was the only thing I could focus on. Victor's signature move. The world began to fade. I stretched my arms out to save the last bit of balance and to take off the last jump.

Come on! You can do it! The very last jump! Get yourself together, katsudon! Make Victor proud! Show the world your love!

_Quad flip._

Everything blacked out.

 

* * *

 

**Victor's POV:**

I gripped the skate guards Yuuri had handed me moments earlier. As Yuuri made his way to the centre of the ice, I noticed the change in his posture. His shoulders were slouched as if he were protecting himself. The foetal position as I recognised. He was trying to shield himself from something. I wanted to shout out to him to tell him everything was fine. He didn't even look into my eyes when he wordlessly handed me his guards. Was he mad at me? I knew I should have reacted differently, and he wouldn't be in this state right now, but I had been too lost in my own thoughts. It was my fault. I braced myself on the wall to call out for him, that's when the music started, silencing me.

Yuuri lifted his hands, and I saw him wince. He closed his eyes when he let them drop and launched himself into the sequence. It hurt watching him. His grace was beautiful and painful at the same time. It spoke of a pain hidden so deep and now eventually scratching the surface. What was it, Yuuri? He seemed to flow above the ice, building up momentum for the first jump. A triple flip. That was not a triple flip. He overrotated it and touched down. Never mind it! It was just one jump, there are still more to come!

Bracing myself on the wall, I squinted as he proceeded to the Salchow. Even before his feet took off the ice, I knew this wasn't going to end well. Yuuri didn't land it, no, he just crashed back onto the ice, like an angel whose wings have been ripped off.

"YUURI!" I heard a scream that was my own. I clasped my hands in front of my mouth. Stop it, Yuuri! Right now! My grip on the guards tightened as he pushed himself off, gracelessly. His spread eagle faltered, and his eyes gripped mine. I could swear, there was a tear stain on his cheek. His eyes cried out. Desperate. Lost. Scared. I forced myself into a bright smile. Then he got out of tune. The spread eagle was too long, and the music had moved forward, leaving him behind. What was he doing? His eyes were still fixed on me, crying out for help. A blackout? I lifted my arm and did the movement we had practised so often.

Suddenly, Yuuri seemed to catch himself again. His movements became more fluid, steadier, unfaltering, but entirely out of tune. It will get him minus points for sure, but at least, he seemed better. I have stopped caring about the final. Seeing Yuuri like this...it broke my heart. I didn't want him to continue a single second longer. I wanted him back. Right here, right now. I wanted him off the ice. I wanted him safe more than anything else. Gold or not, it didn't matter after all. I cared about neither the ranking nor the gold. The only one I truly cherished was on the ice and breaking apart. It needed to stop.

Lost in thoughts, the performance came to an end. The music had already stopped, but Yuuri continued. The last jump: a quad flip. My signature move. It was at the Cup of China when he had built it in without my consent, but it threw me completely off balance. His theme for this season was love finishing the performance with a quad flip... it made me realise the feelings I had buried deep inside me. I gripped the wall. Come on! Yuuri took off.

No.  _No. No. No._   _NO!_

I screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hullo!  
> Thank you so much for reading my story!  
> I just wanted to add: Don't do what Yuuri pulls off. If you don't feel well, sports is the worst thing you can do. Take care, there will always be another competition, but if you screw with your health, there may not be. Nothing is more important than both your mental and physical health! 
> 
> See you next time! Until then, take care and be fabulous!
> 
> xx Faye


	3. The Weight of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri gets rushed to the ED and Victor gets a devastating diagnosis.

** Victor's POV: **

  
I felt myself running toward Yuuri. I didn't know what happened exactly, but he was lying on the ice, lifeless. I was next to him within seconds and hoisted him up in my arms. And freaking hell, he was burning hot!

"Yuuri?" I whispered and cupped his face with my hands. My hands felt sticky. I didn't dare move my hands away, afraid to see what caused the stickiness. He didn't respond. "Hey! It's Victor! Can you hear me?"

No response.

His right leg was twisted on a sharp angle.

"Call an ambulance!" Someone shouted from the medic team. As soon as they called out, a few medics rushed onto the ice.

“Mr Nikiforov, we need you to step away. We will take care of him,” One of them asked. I shook my head violently. No, no one was taking Yuuri away from me now. I pinched Yuuri's cheeks, a failed attempt to get him awake. Adrenaline was rushing through me, and my heart was pounding against my chest. I just hoisted Yuuri up and pressed him against my chest. I rocked back and forth with him on the ice. Please, please be all right.

A few minutes later, I heard the sirens of an ambulance tear through the chaos. A few paramedics ran in with a stretcher. I was forced to move away from Yuuri. 

"Don't! Please, don't take him away!" I cried out desperately. My hands shook violently. There was blood on my hands. So much blood,  _Yuuri's blood_. A paramedic grabbed my arm and forced me up.

"Come on, we need you. You are the person who knows him best, we will need your assistance,"  I followed in a trance. No one was taking Yuuri away from me. Whatever happened, I wanted to know it.

In the ambulance, they immediately put an oxygen mask on my mouth and nose and gave me a tranquilliser. Yuuri lay there, unmoving. They had strapped him to the stretcher and were bandaging his head. His leg was fixed in a yellow box. The paramedics had asked me about a few things I could not recall correctly. They said they already stabilised the bone and now, it was most important to get to the nearest hospital. 

It was too long. I heard cars honking outside and the siren resonating, but we weren’t moving at all. Traffic jam. Shit.

No reaction came from Yuuri. It hurt seeing him like this, knowing this was probably my fault. It had been my pressure on him, my expectations transposed on him that had made him break. All the stress, the anxiety I put him through… _this was my fault_.

We were moving again, slowly, but steadily.

When we arrived at the hospital, a whole team was already waiting outside for us. The nurses took over and pulled the stretcher out. They rushed inside. I followed them as it was the only thing I could do. 

"Transfer on my count. One, two, three!" One of them yelled as they moved Yuuri from the stretcher to the hospital cot and immediately settled a few machines on Yuuri. 

"Start an IV line," A doctor came him, followed by a med student. The student nodded thoughtfully and grabbed the utensils from a nurse while the doctor pulled his stethoscope to listen to Yuuri's heart. 

"I'm in," The med student called out. I just stood there, watching. Oh, my Yuuri. What is happening to you? 

"Let's get a CBC, CMP, CAT scan, legs x-ray and an EKG," the doctor said, removing his stethoscope. One of the nurses nodded and wanted to proceed to work until she couldn't. 

"He's seizing!", Someone yelled. Yuuri's whole body shook. I froze. I had no idea that a concussion could be this serious.

"Yuuri!" I cried out. Two of the nurses turned towards me. One of them nodded, and the other one came up to me.

"Sir, I need you to wait outside," She said, pushing me out of the room. 

"2 mg of Ativan!" The doctor called out. I turned and grabbed the door frame. No, please. 

"Come with me," She smiled and pushed me forward. I could do nothing but follow her. She closed the door behind her. 

"So, as I understand, he fell? Nothing else?" She asked then. I shook my head.

"We...had a fight yesterday and he had been trembling the whole night, and he had complained about a stiff neck for…a week? I guessed he might have a cold, but this... this is something else, isn't it?" She looked over her shoulder. She gestured for me to stay and approached the nurse station. "Can you page Dr Espina? We might need some help here." The nurse on the front desk nodded. 

I watched as they were rushing around the room. It was so confusing. What was going on? What was wrong with Yuuri? Did he...he did have a cold, right?

"Broad-spectrum antibiotic and call neurology for a consult," A nurse ran out of the room. Someone gestured me to stay away from the door. The doctor ordered to turn Yuuri to the side. He cut open the shimmery costume and put a blue blanket over Yuuri's back. A nurse handed him a needle and a bottle. 

"What are they doing?" I whispered and put a hand against the glass.

"Spinal fluid extraction," A voice next to me made me jump. The woman with curly brown hair smiled. What the hell does that mean? What is spinal fluid?

"He is in very good hands with Dr Fernandez," she explained. "How about you come with me?" I looked at her and then back to Yuuri. "It's okay. You can see him. He must mean a lot to you," Oh yes, everything. I observed the doctors again. They turned Yuuri back on his back and shouted a few orders which I didn't understand. 

"Okay..." I whispered.

"Okay." She led me to a room that could look into Yuuri's, but they didn't seem to notice us. Blinded, hm? "I'm Dr Espina. I understand your friend is a figure skater, and he fell during his competition?"

"Yes, he did a quad flip and crashed down and even before he was already stumbling, over rotating, touching down and falling-" She lifted a hand and showed me a sofa. I took a seat on a couch and watched her as she brewed coffee. She handed me a cup, then grabbed a tissue and handed it over. I cleaned the blood from my hands.

"Anything unusual?" 

"Well, he had been trembling the whole night and then he had started kicking the covers away. I thought he had been really nervous about the competition today and I blamed it on jetlag. Oh, and he had been sweating a lot afterwards," I recalled. She nodded; her eyes fixed on me. 

"How are you?" She finally asked. I beamed. Why was she asking about me? Yuuri was clearly the one in distress. 

"I... I don't know. This is all my fault. If I hadn't been so careless..." I blurted out. Dr Espina smiled. 

"You don't need to blame yourself. You are already doing a great deal to help your friend. What else can you tell me about him?" She asked. She seemed friendly and trustworthy, but how could I know this wasn't some doctor's facade to gain people's trust? They always do that in the shows, right?

"Call the ICU, we will move him upstairs." The resident stepped away, the med student stayed to look after Yuuri's parameters. I turned to face the emergency room. They had Yuuri packed up and were already moving the cot. 

"This is my fault," I looked at the doctor, my eyes stinging. "I am his coach, and I did not notice!" She approached the blinded window and watched with me as they moved Yuuri out.  

"No, it's not your fault. You don't have to blame yourself. Your friend is in good care now. He is stable enough to transfer, and they have better equipment in the I.C.U. We are taking good care of him. Where were we? Anything you can tell me about him?" I flinched. Of course, I blamed myself. How could I not? That Yuuri is in a state like this...  _is_  my fault. He could have approached me when he was unwell, but no, I had scared him away with the show I had pulled off the night before. 

"He is a professional figure skater, a good one...actually a brilliant one. We came to Barcelona for the GPF. Yuuri is always a ball of nerves before the competition, but as soon as he steps on the ice...he has never failed to mesmerise me,” The doctor listened. Her tag said  _Chief of Emergency Medecine_. So, she runs this thing?

“I understand, this must be very hard for you right now. Yuuri must mean a lot to you. Are you experiencing any troubles yourself? It must be a lot to take in.” I gasped. What the hell. Was she actually…?

“Are you shrinking me?” I asked, unbelieving. Her reaction told me enough. She was a  _shrink_! I beamed. The nurse called me a  _shrink_!

“I am specialised in emergency and psychiatry. It is my duty to balance my patient’s physical and mental health,” Well, it made sense. If I could have managed Yuuri’s anxiety, maybe he wouldn’t be here in the first place.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I am really not the priority here. Yuuri needs help. What is going on with him?” I tried to get her focus on Yuuri and not on me! I was secondary right now!

 “Your friend is in good hands. Right now, we are waiting for the labs to come back. I understand how you feel. Believe me, we are taking good care of him,” She gestured for me to sit down again. I sighed and did as she ordered. What else could I do? Forcing myself to breathe, I tried not to look at the nurses who cleaned up the mess.

“Anything else we need to know? Medical history? Any genetic diseases?” Aside from stubbornness and an urge for selflessness, no.

“Nothing I can think of. He’s one of the rare skaters who have been spared by major injuries,” I replied then. She nodded. She grabbed her tablet from the table.

“We can go upstairs if you want to,” She didn’t need to ask. Jumping from my couch, I nodded. She smiled and opened the door for me.

“The ICU is on the second floor. He will probably stay there for a while. We need to monitor him to be sure the infection will be really gone properly,” I nodded. Okay…okay. Yuuri is fine. Yuuri is in good hands. They will take care of him.

We walked down the corridor with nurses scurrying past us. How could Dr Espina be so calm? She probably got used to it. I could never imagine working in a hospital where death might be looming around the corner.

We reached the elevator and she pushed the button. After a few seconds, the doors parted, and we entered. I memorised the path so I could find it on my own afterwards. As the doors beeped and we got out, the atmosphere was a different one. The corridor was less congested, with a nurse station in the middle and rooms with glass doors in a circle around it.

"Ampicillin 12 grams. Ceftriaxone 4 grams," A doctor in a yellow gown ordered when we arrived. My heart began skipped a beat. Those were antibiotics, that much I knew and why did he wear this gown?

"What does he really have?" I turned to Dr Espina. This was too serious to be a concussion.

“Meningitis. You mentioned jetlag before. Does he fly often?” She asked. I nodded.

“Ah, yes. Quite often, why?”

“An otitis might be the origin of it, but we have the labs are already back, and we have put him on broad-spectrum antibiotics before. It should be safe now,” She explained. I wanted to slap myself. Otitis. How could I not see it coming? Yuuri hadn’t been complaining about anything like it, but Yuuri just isn’t the person who complains if he thinks it isn’t serious. He has always put the competition in front of everything, even in front of himself. Foolish Yuuri. Foolish me for letting it go unperceived.

I turned to see the doctor leave and stuff his coat into a bin. The med student walked up to Yuuri to monitor his vitals.

“So…how long will this need to heal?” I asked, not quite sure what I was expecting.

“First, it’s highly infectious. We will need to test you too,” She said. I swallowed. Okay then.

Loud beeping caught our attention.

The med student from before pulled open Yuuri’s eyelids and lit with her lamp.

“He’s not breathing, and his pupils are blown,” She said.

“His pressure just shot up,” A nurse called out. Dr Espina fixed the monitor. That was high.

“I need to intubate. Is that the head CT?” She asked, scrolling through the tablet another nurse just handed her. She shook her head and handed the tablet back. “You intubate, I need to drill a Burr hole. The brain is swelling from the infection. No time to lose or he’s going to die.” A nurse nodded and rushed out.

I felt like the ground was being pulled away. Brain swelling? A hole? He’s going to die? What was going on? Why was all this happening? The walls were closing down on me. The ceiling was crushing me. The lights were a blur. I was drowning. Air was being pressed out of my lungs.

_ Yuuri. _

The nurse came back with a  _drill_. Dr Espina had put on some kind of glasses. She flipped the drill on. The noise made me want to throw up. Indeed, some sour liquid rushed into my mouth.

“Call the OR, we need to get him up,” The nurses nodded while she approached Yuuri’s head with the drill. It was too much. The smell of burnt metal mixed with disinfectant, the noise of the drill and the monitor beeping. Everything was spinning. I needed air!

I ran. I didn’t know where I was heading. People were rushing out of my way. Faces were screaming at me. I slammed the door open and was in the corridors which were too narrow and too crowded.

I needed to get out. I didn’t want to be here. This is all my fault-

Something hard connected with my face. Someone grabbed my arm and then a sharp sting followed. Everything blacked out.

I woke up in a hospital room. I hated hospitals. The walls were weighing down on me and breathing was hard. Next to me, on a chair, sat... Yakov? And stand on the other side was Yurio? What the hell?

Seeing me have woken up, Yakov yelled at Yurio: "You incompetent idiot! I told you, you hit him too hard!" I looked from one to another. What was going on? Then I remembered.

_ Yuuri. _

"You know there is still hope, right?" Yurio questioned and raised an eyebrow. I shook the head, unable to hear it. This was all my fault!

"Hope for?" I asked, anger tingling in my voice. Yurio shrugged.

"The pig will wake up, you know, right?" He shook his head and glared at me. What happened after I ran out?

"His brain was swelling, and they needed to drill a hole in it!" I screamed. Yurio's eyes were gigantic and Yakov's jaw dropped open.

"I am sorry for the shot," Dr Espina from before entered the room and apologized. I glared at her. Right, after something connected with my face, there was a sting.

"Where is he?" I yelled at her, hoping she would deny it, but there was no denying. I blinked a few times in response.

"Barbital coma. The swelling, the infection. He had a seizure in the OR, we can’t afford to leave him like this. We needed to protect his brain. He is currently in the ICU." She explained to me and my heart skipped a beat.

Hell, he was put into a coma, but he was stable at last!

"Could I have prevented this?" I wanted to know. Yurio shot me a death glare. Yakov put a hand on his arm.

“You don’t have to blame yourself.”

“I do. How long has it been?” I pleaded.

“It’s not your fault. There had been nothing you could have done to prevent it. It is possible he had been hiding it for some while already. From the labs, …we can tell meningitis had been there for at least a week. To be honest, he is lucky he fell. If he didn’t, he might be dead by now.”

A  _week_.

A week and I missed it. This was my fault after all.

“A week?” Yurio spoke out my thought. “What kind of coach are you?” He snapped.

“I don’t know. A bad one,” I suggested.

“No. The  _fucking_  worst!” He snarled. I flinched. He told me nothing new but hearing it…it hurt. It hurt because Yuuri was in a coma because of my negligence.

“Yuri!” Yakov hissed. Caught off-guard, Yurio flinched. He blinked and looked at me. He shook his head.

“Hey, old man. You know the pig. He’s an actor. If he wants to hide something, he surely can,” I knew he only said that to calm me down, but it didn’t help. It didn’t make it any better.

“Yurio, it is my fault he ended up here!”

“Oi, old man! I know you suck at coaching but lamenting now doesn’t help?!” He was right. I knew he was. I sighed.

“Yurio, we need to get back for the exhibition,” Yakov reminded him. Right, the competition didn’t end with Yuuri falling. Funny how the world just keeps up turning.

After they left, the doctor explained a few details about meningitis and further treatment to me and left too. I took out my phone. Various twitter notifications were displayed on the screen.

** Yuuri Katsuki! The great fall! **

_** Japan’s ace, Katsuki Yuuri’s performance was similar to the one in Sochi. Stumbling upon all the jump and finally crashing during the last jump… ** _

I nearly threw my phone against the wall, until I noticed a few missed calls and messages from familiar numbers. There was a lot from our fellow skaters, especially from Phichit, but there were 27 missed calls from one and the same person I needed to answer.

The door slammed open and I dropped the phone. "What the hell, Nikiforov!" That person spat my name out like a curse.

"I am sorry, Mari" I whispered, struggling to hold back the tears. No one had blamed me for it, but instead, I had bottled up all the guilt. And now, Yuuri's sister actually yelled at me. I was relieved. It was my fault all along. Now, eventually, someone blamed me for it.

"Hm? You better be sorry for not picking up my calls!" She yelled back. I closed my eyes. She was blaming me for not checking my phone and not what happened to her brother. "And what is wrong with Yuuri? Did he break his leg?" She did not know, did she? Of course, she was there when he fell. She saw when they got her brother into the ambulance, but she wasn’t allowed to follow.

"The physical injuries are... okay, I would say. The doctors said nothing about it. But he has been put into a coma due to meningitis. For how long? I don’t know." I tried to tell her to soft way, but there was no soft way around this. It was as it was.

Then, "Are you okay?" She asked gently. I wanted to scream. Why was everyone worried about me?

"Mari, I am not the one with an infection!" I slammed my free hand into the bed.

"Yes, I know, but meningitis is highly infectious. You are the person who has been closest to him in the last days. The risk is there,” I swallowed. Why was everyone worried about me? Yuuri is lucky to have a sister like Mari. I envied him.

“I will ask them to test me, thank you,” I added. She nodded. She didn’t sit down like Yakov. She kept her polite distance. 

"What do we do now?" I asked for her advice. She sighed.

"Don't tell my parents. They will freak out and they will come with the next best plane. I have been trying to wave them off for the last,” She looked at her watch. “Six hours? I will tell them when everything back to normal.” I buried my face in my hands. This was terrible. Hiroko and Toshiya were wonderful people and Mari had to lie to them in their faces. They deserved better.

“And for you," She paused. "Take a break, go home after they release you. I will see If I get to see my baby brother.”  She nodded and left the room without further comments. She will take care of Yuuri. Maybe I should really just disappear out of Yuuri’s life. Perhaps, it’s better when I just take the next best plane back to Russia. He has suffered enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Don't worry, I take the Hippocratic Oath very seriously! First, do not harm! Nothing bad will happen to Yuuri, he will be alright, don't worry! 
> 
> Take care,  
> Faye


	4. Total eclipse of the heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor gets updated on Yuuri's health and holds a press conference about his comeback

**One week later**

**Victor's POV:**

Stepping on the ice was familiar, comforting and terrifying at the same time. So, this was what we had argued about before everything went to hell: Me, going back to competitive figure skating and Yuuri, slowly fading away in the background. The ice showed my reflection.

I am Victor Nikiforov, the 5-time gold medallist. I am a figure skating legend.

_I am a heartbroken man._

Figure skating is my everything.

_Yuuri is my everything._

I skate to impress the public.

_I skate to escape reality._

It's been one week since Yuuri was put into the ICU. I could not visit him; the doctors had forbidden it since I was not family. Mari kept me up-to-date. I had been at the hospital every day, watching from outside. His state was still critical. I had once worked up the guts to ask Yuuri's leading doctor, Dr Espina, about the consequences of meningitis. She had told me not to worry too soon. Maybe there would be no consequences. I had asked her if he could be skating subsequently, but she had just smiled and told me that we had to hope for the best. One step at a time. First, Yuuri had to wake up.

I had practised every day. Skating was the only thing that could calm me down right now. I often did it up to eight hours every day, which made Yakov yell at me. I felt... good while skating, but when I was alone again in the hotel room, I felt empty without Yuuri.

Today was no different. The routine kept me going. It will keep me moving until Yuuri wakes up. I set up the music, and each note hit like a blow. This was Yuuri's music, his story. I feel like I might be violating some kind of privacy by skating it. We had created this together, poured equal parts of our souls into it. I had seen Yuuri skate it a thousand times, we had both skated it together, but never me alone. The reason I was skating it right now was simple; I needed some kind of connection with Yuuri. I couldn't bear the distance between us.

My phone vibrated when I pulled off my guards and set them on the wall. It was a message from Mari.

 

 

> _Meet me outside when you're done._

The text was simple, but I felt there was something behind all of it. We met a lot to talk about Yuuri's state, but somehow, this felt different. I put my guards back on, untied my skates, switched into my trainers and went outside.

Mari was leaning against the wall, cigarette in hand when I spotted her. She barely acknowledged me and held out the cigarette for me. I just shook my head. She shrugged. We just stood there for a while, not sure who was supposed to say something. Sure, she called me, but shouldn't I say some comforting words to her too?

"How did the surgery do?" I started. The silence was awkward. Mari's head turned slightly before she sighed. 

"They got the tendons fixed. The leg will be fine on its own. No need for readjusting it," She said eventually. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Mari Had told me about the tendons a few days ago. They got Yuuri an MRI of his legs after he was stable enough for it. Two of the tendons holding his knee in place had just _ripped_. That was something that wouldn't heal on their own again. They fixed it two days afterwards. 

"That's good news, right?" I smiled. With the tendons fixed, he would be able to skate again, right?

"You might want to know this," She eventually said, releasing a cloud of smoke. I leaned against the wall next to her. "They didn't tell you because you are not family and I didn't tell you because I'm a coward." Okay? What was going on now?

"They are right. I am just an outsider to them. They had no right to tell me," I nodded. Who was I to tell them what to do anyway?  

"Still, I had to tell you this as soon as they told me. I know what my baby brother means to you," Mari replied, breathing out.

"It's okay. I get you didn't want to give me false hope?"

"But I did the whole time by keeping it from you! Look, everything is going to change and-"

"That's alright. We can figure it out after Yuuri wakes up- "

" _If he wakes up_ , Victor!  _If_  he wakes up! Dr Espina told me about it a week ago. They are doing the best they can, but right now, it's up to Yuuri only. And if he wakes up, there might be cognitive impairments!" She threw her cigarette away and punched the wall. I couldn't believe it. If he wakes up, she said. If. I pushed against the wall to steady myself.

_If he wakes up._

It had always been a question of time to me, but it wasn't anymore. All of a sudden, it had become a mere possibility. It wasn't counting the days until he wakes up, it was _hoping_ he would eventually open his eyes.

_If he wakes up._

The whole routine I had set up to keep myself from crumbling had collapsed. It made no sense at all.

"The longer they keep him on the ventilator and out of consciousness, the greater the risk of losing cognitive functions. I don't know what to do," Mari turned to me, and I saw tears glistening in her eyes. I gently put a hand on her shoulder. I need to keep it together now.

"Yuuri will be fine. It's Yuuri after all, right? He's always picked himself up. He's never failed to surprise me; you have to believe in him. He will get through this," I forced out encouraging words I had heard before. Mari shook her head.

"The only thing we can do…is hope. I will try to get permission for you to visit," With these words, she turned and left. It was my turn to punch the wall. Damn it! Why did all of this have to happen to Yuuri!?

I let myself slide down the wall. This had to be some kind of joke. I wish I could turn back time. Maybe I could have done something different to prevent this.

My ringtone tore me from my thoughts. _Yakov_.

"Vitya, what about your comeback now? We are booking our flight back. Are you coming along? As far as I am informed, you haven't announced anything yet," He asked. My comeback. Breathing out, I slid my hand through my hair. Right. There was something. I had completely forgotten about it. Perhaps, that's what I need right now. I need to distract myself from all the mess I was responsible for.

"Right, I'm sorry. I forgot."

"I know, Vitya and I'm sorry. I know the boy means a lot to you," More than you can imagine, I silently added.

"I have thought about a press conference?" I suggested. For a moment, I thought the line had broken as there was not a single sound coming through. Then, a sigh.

"You really love the drama, don't you?" I smiled. Yes, always the drama.

 

**Two weeks later**

Today, I was going to announce my comeback. It was bothering me. It didn't feel right, almost as if I would betray Yuuri. I didn't get him to win the Grand Prix Finals, but I got him into a coma. I suppose that's what people call deception of fate.

New Year was a disaster. Everyone insisted on staying, Phichit most of all and they decided to have a great time together. I was grateful for them. With Mari's permission, I had told them what had happened, and they wouldn't leave me ever since. Phichit stayed with Mari most of the time since they knew each other for longer. Chris never left my side. He did his best to cheer me up, and I appreciated his efforts. I have felt less empty ever since.

On December 31st, we had been out, celebrating and expressing our wishes for the upcoming year. I had just one thing in mind: Make Yuuri wake up, whatever the cost might be, let him wake up.

I had drunk myself into a delusion that night. As I was told afterwards, Chris and Yurio had dragged me back into the hotel, but I had run for the rooftop and shouted things from there they didn't want to tell me, but they assured me, they had video footage. I wasn't sure what was worse; them having proof of what I had done or having no memories about it.

Clearing my head, I climbed out of the taxi. The paparazzi swarmed up, gulping me. Smiling and waving, I fought my way through them, eventually reaching the safety of the conference room. Breathing out, I let myself slump into the chair behind the panel.  No one knew what this was really about. It wasn't about returning to competitive skating after nearly a year for fun or because it is my destiny but making up for a fault that was due to my neglection.

I sat behind the panel while the room was filling up, Yakov at my right and surprisingly, Yurio on my left. I clenched my left hand around my ring. Soon everything was silent, and every pair of eyes was staring at me. I cleared my throat.

"Thank you for coming today. As you might have heard the rumours, I am returning to competitive figure skating next season," I said. I saw several jaws drop open and had to bite my bottom lip to not laugh. Sure, they didn't expect that; Yakov neither when I had called a few weeks earlier. A few hands raised immediately.

"What exactly happened to Yuuri? We all saw him fall and then there was nothing anymore. No news, no updates, how is he doing?" A female reporter asked.

Right. For outsiders, which means everyone aside from the skating community, Yuuri had just disappeared after the accident. So, what was I now supposed to tell them? The truth? No, that would be Yuuri's job. I would be overstepping my borders by doing it.

"Yuuri is fine now, thank you for asking. He broke his leg, but they got him fixed up," Lie. It was a half-lie. He did break his leg, and they have done a pretty good job fixing him up. It would take about a whole month, and Dr Espina said the coma was a good thing to let him heal. Knowing Yuuri better than she did, I knew she was right. Yuuri would try to skate again as soon as it didn't hurt anymore, but that didn't mean a thing.

Nodding, the woman sat down again. "What makes you make this comeback now? Is Yuuri retiring? Are you both going to compete?" A male journalist for a sports magazine stood up and asked. Well, he got me with that one. How should I lie about this? I had been prepared for a question like this one as Yakov had told me to but choking out the answer was still weird.

"Would you want to see both of us competing against each other next season?" I replied with a wink. I saw Yakov glare at me. No, that wasn't my supposed answer.

Given Yuuri's broken leg, we don't know yet if he can compete next season. It's still early January, but you all know how that works. Rehab, muscle building, choreography, it's a mess. We will do whatever is best for Yuuri even if it means you won't see him for another season, but he will come back better afterwards.

Maybe it would have been the better option, given the follow-up question. "Are you two dating?"

" _I'm sorry?_ " I blurted out. Yakov hissed. Maybe I should have stuck with my prepared answer.

"Everyone saw you kiss on international tv at the Cup of China. We never had the chance to ask," I wanted to slap myself. That was why Yakov told me to send him my answers. Okay, Victor, improvise!

"Well, you know, a relationship involves two people. Why don't you ask Yuuri about it?" I put on my heart-shaped smile. Just please, go away. Yakov slumped in his chair. He had passed out. Yurio snorted.

"Yes, but we'd like to hear a public statement from you. Do you want to date Yuuri?" Jeez, this is getting worse! I gnawed on my lip, looking for possible answers and cursing myself for not sticking with the script. Oh, screw everything! I have improvised once, would it hurt to do it again?

"Well, wouldn't you consider dating him? I mean, come on, it's Yuuri, right? You can be honest with me," I replied with a wink. The journalist's mouth dropped open, her face became purple and slipped into her seat without any further questions. So far, so good.

The press conference was over after one hour, and I was exhausted from the questions they had asked. There were things no one should know about us. Besides, if they kept asking, I would probably be crying by now. There were things, I wanted Yuuri to be the first to know when he woke up and not hearing it from the whole world talking about them.

While I had struggled to find the answers, Yurio on the other side seemed to be having a good time enjoying himself. He really enjoyed watching me struggling, didn't he? Always grinning and snorting every time I spoke, made me think I made a fool of myself, but Yakov assured me I didn't. Not quite. I screwed up, but he had seen worse.

I returned to the hospital after that miserable conference and stood outside the ICU room. Putting a hand on the glass, I took in the sight. Oh, my poor Yuuri.

He was connected to a ventilator, several infusions and monitors. The heart monitor showed continuous curves. I could hear the steady beeps from outside the glass, that separated us.

I knocked lightly on the glass. Though Yuuri could almost certainly not hear me, I had to show him I was here. I am always here, Yuuri, I will always be here, waiting for you to wake up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Please leave kudos if you are enjoying the story and comment! I would love to discuss with you! :3
> 
> Important announcement! There will be no update next Friday since I am in Brussels the whole week for an intense preparation session for the exam to enter med school, yikes! 
> 
> More important announcement! I am planning on another YOI fanfic! It's a High school/MUN with a slight tint of Rivals AU! I live for MUNs and since I retired, I really miss the ambience and all the people I met. Now, I want to relive the feeling in a story bearing the working title of _Point of Order! The delegate is flirting with me!_
> 
> Take care,  
> Faye


	5. Polaris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Primavera on Ice!  
> Victor is getting a new costume!  
> Chris is being a good friend!  
> Victor is P.T. Barnum and Yurio is angry!  
> And an extra French choreographer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! I am alive again! I just wrote my admission exam in Brussels 2 days ago! Oh God, I hope this goes well! So, thanks a lot for your patience! I am back again after 3 weeks! I am so sorry for the delay! Therefore, the chapter is a bit longer than usual :)

**Victor’s POV:**

I glared at the invitation. Primavera On Ice. A skating show here in Barcelona? I grunted and swiped the mail away. Since my complete disaster of a press conference, the paparazzi have been at my heels everywhere I went. There were days I locked myself into the hotel room, determined not to set a single foot outside, but then I thought about Yuuri and worked up the courage to fight my way through them.

The skating show seemed interesting, though. I had always wanted to participate in one just for the experience. Yakov had always yelled at me for even considering it. In his opinion, I was wasting my time fooling around. I had just rolled my eyes and sent back an apologetic decline. Now, he can’t convince me otherwise. Sure, I had a comeback to make, but wouldn’t this be _the_ dramatic entrance?

Like I have been conjuring it up, a call entered.

“You are going, aren’t you?” Oh Yakov, why are you even asking?

“I am,” I replied cheerfully. I heard a sigh. Was that all? Strange. “Aren’t you trying to convince me otherwise?” Another sigh.

“That will backfire, why even try? I’m getting too old for your shit, Vitya,” I huffed a laugh. I’m sorry, Yakov, but it’s too funny to make you upset. “Anyway, Yuri, Georgi and Mila are staying too.” Well, that’s a surprise. Maybe more of our friends will come.

Just after I hung up on Yakov, Chris called.

“I’m counting on your presence?” It was more a statement than a question, but he knew the answer anyway.

“Chris! This will be so much fun! Of course, I will be there!”

"Good!" Came his fast and genuine reply. I hadn't thanked him yet for what he had done for Yuuri when I was busy being salty. "I will come back as the next European champion, believe me!"

“I am counting on it!” I was genuinely happy for him. He once told me the season would be disappointing without me, but I was so glad he found his new motivations to carry on. “Oh, uhm, Chris.”

“That is my name. Tell me?”

“Uhm, thank you for everything you did for Yuuri when I wasn’t there. I was a crappy coach- “

“Indeed, you are.”

“What? I- “I did not see that coming.

“I’m joking! I don’t know what you two had discussed, but he looked devastated. So I decided to not ask you. It’s none of my business, just don’t break his heart." I let out a sigh. Yuuri, don't you dare to say no one cares about you.

“Thank you, Chris. I won’t,” I wished him luck for the European Championships and then hung up. Flipping on my back, I stared at the ceiling. At least I’m doing _something_ now.

“Yuuri, one day, we are going to perform that pair skate, believe me!” I swore to myself. Stretching with a yawn, I rolled up and typed my confirmation back. Okay, off to work! So, I am going to meet Yakov now to discuss my programs for the show and polish it up a bit.

That’s why I’m sitting in the locker room with Yakov and Yurio two hours later.

"You are seriously considering his free skate?" Yakov asked, unbelieving. I nodded. "Does this have any... emotional meaning for you?" The answer was _yes_ again. I was skating the program Yuuri never managed to finish. When I finish this, everything comes full circle.

“You two are _gross_. He isn’t even around, and yet you manage to be disgusting on your own,” Yurio snorted. I put a hand on my heart and made a pained face.

“You wounded me, Yurio. This is called _romantic_! How dare you degrading my declaration-“ He waved me off like a fly.

“Yeah, whatever. Just don’t let me see that depressed face of yours any longer. It really kills the mood, geezer!” Yurio clicked his tongue and walked out. I grinned and looked at Yakov.

My old coach just sighed. Somehow, I felt a little sorry for him. He is putting up with all of us: a so-called figure skating legend on a guilt trip, an angry pubescent cat, a drama queen with a broken heart and a nonchalant matchmaker with love for cheesy romance movies.

Yakov still looked sceptic, but he eventually agreed. Our training would begin tomorrow. I hugged him happily and stood up.

“Vitya,” He suddenly said. I turned around to face him. His jaw was set, and a deep frown turned his face into a grimace. "You know about Worlds, right? Are you okay with it? You are certainly not returning to Worlds? It is still some time until then. You never stopped practising. You could-“ I shook my head and smiled.

“No, Yakov. I’m sorry. I just can’t,” I took in a breath and searched for his eyes. “ I will wait for Yuuri. And after that, he will need a lot of care, and I owe him that." I replied. Yeah, it was hard for me to just let it go. I was the undefeated World champion for the last 5 years, and now, I'm not even participating. But what are titles compared to Yuuri? I can always take it back next year, but right now, Yuuri needs me. 

“I don’t understand why you say, you owe him. What do you owe him?" My old coach asked. I bit my lip and shook my head. No, he doesn't know, and I'm not even sure he ever will. But…he had still been with Lilia at some point, right?

“Honesty, Yakov. I owe him my honesty. He always laid his feelings bare in front of me, but I never worked up the courage to do the same for him,” I said eventually and saw Yakov frown. He doesn’t understand then.

“Vitya…” He began, then shook his head. “The skater’s heart is fragile. Whatever you do, I support you, but don’t break your own heart of glass.” I smiled and nodded. Yakov was the closest person to a father I had. I knew he didn’t approve some of my impulsive decisions…well maybe all of them, but still, he was always there when I desperately needed him. He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. Like a father. “I’m glad to have you back, but you are going to work to get your stamina back.” I almost cried when he said that. I was so happy he just welcomed me back without any further questions and scrutiny, but I am going to be sore everywhere for at least a week!

I had announced my comeback two days ago, and the internet had exploded. Paparazzi were everywhere, and I had to disguise myself to hide from them. I had nothing against being famous, I was used to it, but I did not want them to know what happened to Yuuri. He was still in a coma. I had built up a routine since then: Training in the morning, lunch, training until visiting hours began, stay until they were over and then the gym.

Hence, I was allowed into Yuuri's room. It was good. Mari had gotten permission for me; I was so relieved. He was getting better if they let me inside. He had been on specific antibiotics for four days, and he is positively responding to them.

I could finally see him, sit next to him and hold his hand. I had missed him during the last few weeks. It was just then, I had realised that we had not been separated for the previous eight months. It was incredible how much he could mean to me.

I arrived at the hospital at three o'clock. The elevator took me to the second floor. Yuuri's room was the second last one on the right. The sight still sent shivers down my spine; I pulled a chair next to Yuuri's bed and sat. He looked so frail and haggard, but he looked peaceful. I took his hand in mine.

It was cold. His hands always get cold so quickly. I breathed warm air onto them to keep them warm. 

Pulling the covers back, I tucked him in again. This time, I made sure his arms were under the blanket. I retook his hand and began tracing lazy circles on the back of this hand. I felt the ring there.

"You idiot" I sighed. "Only causing me trouble! Which foolish human being goes skating with meningitis? Oh, wait, you." I patted his hand. "As your coach, I should let you run back to Hasetsu, but right now..." I stopped myself. What was I going to say anyway? He could not even hear me.

_I want to kiss you._

I shook my head. I just wanted him to wake up so we could have fun together. That were the moments I would exchange for nothing in the world. All the fun we had! Those memories were precious to me! Maybe I should just keep talking to him and say, what I always wanted to say.

"You silly boy, lying around while I'm working my ass off. Oh, I forgot to tell you! I got an invitation to a skating show here in Barcelona! All our friends will be skating too! Oh, I am skating your routine, hm-hm. Sounds nice, right? I am really excited! I mean, you did it brilliantly, but maybe I can still top this? I hope you will be there to see it," I wanted him to surprise me once again by waking up on the point, but the heart monitor showed no change. He wasn't awake, and I was rambling like a madman. I glanced at the door. No one was there; A single nurse sat behind the desk and flipped through files.

I bent down to Yuuri and put my forehead against his. "Please, wake up soon! I have to tell you something!" I whispered. My voice was a promise. An entreaty. A request for him to wake up. A prayer to stay with me. My world is shattering, and I cannot lose him.

I didn't know what to tell him, but I didn't want to leave him either. So, I started telling him about my day, my discussion with Yakov, what coffee beans I had this morning. Then I made a quick rewind to the day when I announced my comeback officially. I ended up telling him about every paparazzi I had fled from on the way to the hospital. Despite my disguise, which was apparently very poor, some paparazzi had found me. Note to self, a hat, sunglasses and a scarf obviously weren't enough. Maybe I should try a wig next time?

"Yuuri, what type of wig would suit me? Oh, maybe long hair again? How about brunette? Do you like brunettes? Or blonde? Black hair would be awesome too!" I tapped his hand in excitement, and I would already picture his frown. I was rambling nonsense. Yuuri would probably laugh at me or be really confused.

I stroked his hand. I missed him badly. Then, I could swear, I felt resistance when I pressed down his finger. I jolted. Was it real? I didn’t care, I sprinted outside and basically yelled at the nurse to page a doctor.

Dr Espina arrived within a few minutes and calmly pulled out the light. It looked just like a pen, but it was actually a pen. She even handed it to me once before. It felt way more massive than a pen. 

Watching the monitors for a moment, she took his pulse on his wrist. After tucking his hand back under the covers, she approached his head and pulled open his eyelids. Tapping on the light, she shone into Yuuri’s eyes.

“Yuuri, if you can hear me, please move your eyes side to side,“ She said. I gripped the bar and squinted to see any reaction. Just a sign. Taking another breath, I repeated after her.

“Yuuri, my love, if you can hear me, please move your eyes side to side,” I spoke, my voice cracking in the middle. No reaction. His brown eyes remained frozen.

“I’m sorry. A lot of our patients do reflexive movements. They are generalised responses,” She told me then with an apologetic smile. I let my shoulders slouch. Closing my eyes, I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. Okay. “But that doesn’t mean he isn’t getting better. Don’t lose hope. He is responding very well to the antibiotics, and the last MRI was clean. The infection is gone and has left no visible damage,” She added with a genuine smile and squeezed my shoulder. I nodded gratefully, and she left the room.

I let myself slouch back into the chair. I could swear there was something! Was I getting paranoid already?

"You are tricking me, aren't you? I know you are awake. Lazybones, just pretending to be asleep so you can escape work! I swear to you, I will chase you on a bike through Siberia if you don't wake up right now," I gulped down a sob. I bit the back of my hand to stop myself from crying. I'm already starting to imagine things. Why did it have to be this hard?

 

**One week later:**

Today, the rehearsals would begin. Phichit had been vlogging all morning and keeping his followers updated on everything. Everyone stayed in Barcelona to practise for their upcoming competitions. Most of them would be skating simpler versions of their programs. From what I understood, there would be three group numbers: the opening, a group number and the finale.

The opening number was _The Greatest Show_. Yuuri loved the movie. We had watched it on the plane, and it was awesome. The music was impressive.

We were on the ice, warming up while the choreographer took smaller groups of people to explain his ideas and teaching them the choreo. I was practising my spins when Chris skated past me and a grim expression was set on his face.

I approached the choreographer, a French guy with a heavy accent.

“Alors, mon ami,” He began and smiled. "I was told you speak French?"

"Ça se peut, oui," I smiled. He put a hand over his heart.

"Merveilleux! Je déteste parler l'anglais! They always make fun of my _accent_ ," He snorted and flipped his bleached bangs. Okay then. "Une p'tite chose encore, mon ami. How do you say 80?" I frowned. Was that important now?

"Quatre-vingts?" I suggested. How else was I supposed to say it.

"Oh! Wonderful!" He exclaimed with a heavy French accent. He was jumping back and forth between English and French and even my brain couldn't quite follow. He then just jumped at me. I don't know where he got his momentum from, but he just jumped and slung his legs across my waist. This was getting weird.

"Oi! Old man! Are you cheating?" I heard Yurio scream from the back. I raised my hands in distress. What was going on? Chris appeared next to me.

"Get down," He ordered. His face looked as grim as before. The choreographer just snorted and peeled himself off me. Flipping his notepad, he played the music.

"So, this is where you come sliding in. Like this. With the cane," Someone tossed a cane to him that he caught in the air. It missed Chris' head by a hair's breadth. He cursed violently in Romansch and skated away. "All the lights will be fixed on you. You are the star. You will be the only one moving when everyone else is frozen in place." He showed me the elements of my choreography. It looked pretty much like the movie. Yuuri would have loved it. "Everyone will be moving again when the music retakes, but you will still be the centre of attention," The French guy explained. I followed his step sequences, imagining I was holding a top hat in my hands.

After I was done, I skated to Chris to ask him what that was all about. He told me the guy was just being posh and condescending of his accent and the way he says things. In Switzerland, they say _huitante_ for 80, but French people insist on _quatre-vingts_. The guy had called him a peasant. I grunted. Had I just known that. 

"I should have said _septante_ ," I said with a huff. Chris wiggled his eyebrows happily at me. 

The group number looked great too. Actually, it has the perfect amount of drama. _Another Day of Sun_ was one kind of music; cheerful, dynamic, energetic. We have been studying the step sequences until Phichit dropped the idea that killed everyone.

“What if we insert a rooster crow in the beginning? Like, it’s another day of sun, right? Yurio, you are made for the job!” Chris just threw himself at my back and laughed. I chuckled. I loved the idea. Suits him right for laughing his head off at me during the press conference.

“Oi, objection! Why me? Why does _anyone_ have to be the rooster?” Throwing his arms in the air, Yurio protested. Chris just grinned.

“Look, he is already flapping his wings!” I burst out in laughter and clapped my friend’s back. This was getting better every day!

“Geezer! Why don’t you do that? Right, Beka? He would make a good rooster, right?” Suddenly, everyone was shooting Otabek pleading glances.

“Actually, I approve the idea. After all, you are younger, and I am sure a chicken costume would look great on you. It would be fun,” He smiled innocently. Clapping his hands, Chris roared. Yurio showed no anger outburst, his features became softer, actually. Huh?

“You are right,” He said eventually and stuck out his tongue at me. “You heard him; you are too old for the job!” My jaw dropped open. I did not see that coming! Chris had just clapped my back.

Later that afternoon, I went to visit Yuuri. I sat down on the chair and took his hand. “The group number looks awesome! You should have seen Yurio in that chicken costume!”

 "Have you ever felt like nobody was there?" I began singing suddenly. Why was I even doing this?

"Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?" I breathed in and sang along. My eyes stung. Oh, Yuuri, I need you. I wasn't sure if the song was about him or myself right now.

“Have you ever felt like you could disappear?" What actually happens when your career is over? Do you just cease to exist? Will anyone still care about you? Breathing out, I realised, I had no idea what would come after retiring. I couldn't see anything at the end of the road. It didn't exist, and the uncertainty scared me.

“Like you could fall, and no one would hear?" When a skater suddenly doesn't return from an injury, will anyone care? Does anyone even want to know why they didn't come back? Will anyone care enough to ask? We stand in the light, but do we also know how to survive the dark? For so long, I have been living under the scrutiny of the press and the hope of my fans. Will it just cease to exist? Is there anything left for me after retiring?

“Well, let that lonely feeling wash away. Maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay.” Isn’t it what all is about? Being okay in the end? Nothing really matters, except that you lived the way you wanted to live. No regrets. I wished Yuuri could just wake up and tell me everything is going to be okay, that I didn’t need to be scared and that he was going to stay with me no matter what happens.

“’Cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand, you can reach, reach out your hand.” I gripped his hand and let my tears stream down my face. I was lonely and lost. Being with all the skaters, seeing them untouched by everything around them, confused me. How could they just go on living while Yuuri was suffering?

“And oh, someone will come running, and I know, they'll take you home.” I jolted when there was a voice behind me. It was Phichit, and he held a hamster plush in his arms.

“Even when the dark comes crashing through, when you need a friend to carry you," Chris' head appeared just behind him, and he grinned.

“And when you're broken on the ground, you will be found,” To my surprise, it was Yurio. One after another, the skaters poured in and filled the room.

 “So let the sun come streaming in,” Georgi put a hand on my shoulder and gently pressed. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Was this really happening? Where they coming for us?

“'Cause you'll reach up, and you'll rise again," Mila appeared on my other side and smiled.

“Lift your head and look around,” Tears of happiness streamed down my face when Yakov entered.

“You will be found,” I whispered and buried my face in Yuuri’s hand. They were all here. All our friends were here to support us. I gulped down a sob and held his hand tight. They came. They came for us. We are not alone.

 

**Two weeks later:**

Two weeks passed, and the show came. It was the day of my big comeback to the competitive skating world.

A lot happened in those last two weeks. 4CC and European Championships were up. Phichit won 4CC, Seung-il came in second, and JJ secured bronze.

Chris won Europeans, followed very closely by Yurio. Otabek made third. Next year, I will be amongst them too.

I had been training a lot in the past two weeks to get my former stamina back, but hell, Yuuri got way more than I got. It was simply impossible to perform the quad flip at the very end. This boy was mad! And he did it with even meningitis. The boy must have been blessed by more than one god for even surviving this!

I put the combinations all into the first half of the program and changed the step sequence a bit, but it will always be Yuuri's version of Yuri on ICE, that will leave me enthralled. I might be a living legend, but this boy had taken it to another level.

Also, the costume. The PT Barnum costume was fitted and every other group umber costume as well, but… Yuri on Ice. Since I couldn’t wear the glittery one he had worn as it had been reduced to shreds, I needed to get a new one. I wanted something similar to his, but when I first tried on the suit, I realised, I couldn't wear it the way Yuuri did. It just wasn't the same. It was part of Yuuri, but that didn't mean I could pull it off. I needed something else. The tailor had sighed and shown me new ideas. 

A peacock themed shirt? Send help!

A flaming red shirt with a cloth attached to the sleeves that looked like a trail of fire? Nice, but maybe next time.

I was just about to cry out of despair when a mauve mesh dress shirt caught my eye. The fabric itself was nothing outstanding, but the crystals. I approached it in awe. The way it reflected the light was mesmerising. There were fine silver lines between the crystals. Constellations, I realised. I knew nothing about constellations, I barely knew what the Capricorn looked like. I didn't recognise any of these, but it was enthralling, nonetheless. One particular crystal stood out. It was brighter and bigger than all the others. I guessed it occupied the place just above the heart. 

“What about this one? Why is this crystal different?” I asked. The tailor approached and smiled.

“Ah, this one! The Polaris, also called the North Star, the brightest star of the Little Bear. A favourite for marines, as they use it as an orientation to find their way through the night,” He answered proudly.

An orientation.

An anchor.

_A star that guides you home._

I needed this suit. That’s the one thing I desperately needed right now: a star that helps me find my right way back.

“I will take this one!” I declared. The tailor pulled up his glasses and smiled.

“I thought you wanted something extraordinary, something people will remember?”

“Then why did you create this one?” Was he questioning my taste? Nah, he wouldn’t.

“I never did. My daughter made it before she left.” Oh. I didn’t see the nostalgic look in his eyes coming.

“Marine?” He shook his head.

“Doctors without borders.” Wow. That was quite a job. The suit made sense. The star, the orientation.

“Thank you for your sacrifice. Would you mind if I take it?” I asked softly. His daughter probably doesn’t come very often…I knew how that felt, waiting for someone to walk in through the door and knowing it wouldn’t happen anytime soon.

“Not at all, you can put it on so I can see where to make the adjustments,” He took the suit off the rail and handed it to me. He gestured towards a small changing room. I swear I could see a tear in his eye.

I took a breath as I hung the suit on the hook and pulled off my sweater. I shivered from the sudden change of temperature. Now under the light, I just realised _how_ see-through this shirt is going to be. There is nothing you can hide with this one.

The fabric felt good when I put it on. It reminded me of the Agape costume when I had worn it. Buttoning it up, I took in the sight. It was perfect. A bit loose around the waist maybe, but nothing a tailor couldn’t fix.

Stepping out, I buttoned the cuffs. The tailor gasped. “Ever thought about becoming a model after retiring?” He asked and stepped up to take measures.

“Not yet, but why not?” I thought when he brought the measuring band around my waist.

“I would hire you,” He replied and gestured for me to lift my arms. “Okay, any custom modifications you want?” I tipped my head. I seemed so far, so good. 

“Maybe plunge the V-neck a bit more. Like…here?” He nodded and took notes.

"Then we have to adjust the collar like this?" I nodded in satisfaction. "Alright, give me one and a half week, and this will be ready." I shook his hand, signed the contract and had hopped off to the hospital.

On the delivery date, the suit was ready indeed. It looked perfect. When I put it on, it accentuated every muscle perfectly. I praised the good work a lot, the tailor just smiled and told he would like it very much to work with me in the future. Oh yes, that sounded good.

 

So now, back to the show. The backstage was a ruffle of costumes and laughter. Everyone was pretty excited about the show, including me. I had never done this before, I just hope I wouldn't screw it up by flinging my cane at someone. It had happened before. I had stood too close to Yurio and nearly knocked his head off once. Then I hit him in the shoulder, almost in the face. I was nervous about this. Yurio had screamed at me and swore death threats if I were to hit him again. 

Fixing my bangs with hairspray, I nodded to my reflection. Let’s do this! The first _woah_ resonated through the rink and the first skaters took to the ice under cheers from the audience. I counted down.

I threw the curtains sideways, skated fast building up momentum and slid through half the rink, emerging from the mist. The audience roared. I got up, and with one hand on my hat and the other holding the cane, I swung it backwards. I didn't hear any screams. Good sign.

The music picked up again, and everyone was moving. I saw from the corner of my eyes that Chris took into a butterfly spin, others into flying camels. I lowered myself into a sit spin, slowly taking back up. Then we were chasing each other across the rink. Then everyone froze. All the light gathered on me as I flew across the centre and launched into my signature quad flip. Landed.

When we had finished, the whole audience was on their feet. We were getting a standing ovation. Afterwards, we retracted into the backstage while skaters performed their own shows.

“Not bad, old man! Just by a hair's breadth! Looks like you don’t need glasses yet!” Yurio grinned as he skated past me in his _Welcome to the madness_ costume. I smiled. There was one number left before mine.

Phichit came back, flustered, his front covered in sweat but smiling. “This is the best thing ever!” He screamed when he got back.

I stepped on the ice. The feeling was familiar. The whole rink exploded. I raised my arms and skated toward the centre. I knew the crystals reflected the light in all possible directions judging from the _ah_ s and _oh_ s from the audience. As I turned around, I saw something that made my heart skip a beat.

The display of my phone lit up. I already saw Yakov running toward it to shut it off because it began ringing. The sound was deafening. Well, I forgot to disconnect it from my speakers. Silly me. At that moment, it was the sound that my soul welcomed.

I skated towards the exit as fast as I could and snatched it out of Yakov's hand. I had seen the colour from where I had stood on the ice. It was blue, the colour of hope. It's the number of the hospital. I picked it up. The voice resonated through the whole rink.

"Mr Nikiforov? It's Dr Espina. You might want to come. We have good news." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Ça se peut, oui.: Yes, I might.  
> Merveilleux: Wonderful  
> Une p'tite chose encore, mon ami: Another small thing, my friend.  
> Je déteste parler l'anglais!: I hate speaking English!
> 
> Oh, and the hate is real. I had that 70 thing when I was in Brussels 2 weeks ago and I was so embarrassed! The teacher asked a question into the auditorium, and everyone said septante (Belgian) while I was mumbling soixante-dix (French) and my neighbour just outright glared at me and I was like, yup, I am the intruder here. 
> 
> Okay, people, you might remember that The Greatest Showman came out in December 2017? Guess what, not here! Spacetime singularity doesn't exist in this one! (At least Dear Evan Hansen did exist at this point, ouf!) Please forgive me for it! I really needed The Greatest Show! That was the best entrance I could think of!  
> What do you think? I know it is not as flowy as I want it to be, but I tried. It was so much going on in this one. Also, it's 2 am over here. I might edit some stuff in the morning. But, I am very happy about Victor's time without Yuuri coming to an end! You heard me! This is the last chapter without Yuuri! And don't worry, the next chapter is near ready!
> 
> If you have a minute, please leave kudos and comment! I would love to hear your thoughts! I actually feel so insecure about this whole story right now, please tell me your honest thoughts!
> 
> Take care,  
> Faye


	6. Promise of Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is awake!

**Victor's POV:**

I stumbled off the ice and pulled my skates off as fast as I had never done before. I shoved them into Yakov's arms and ran barefoot toward the changing rooms. Yakov grabbed my arm.

"Vitya! You can't do this! You have to set priorities!" He yelled at me. I pulled away and gritted my teeth. Why is he talking to me about priorities? Has he never realised what my priorities really are? It has never been about being the best of the best. Surprising the audience was the goal I set for myself, but right now, my priorities have changed. I wanted to be there when Yuuri wakes up.

" _He_  is my priority!" I shouted back. Yakov's jaw dropped open, and he glared at me. Ignoring him, I ran back to the changing room, put on my shoes and grabbed my coat while running outside. Yurio blocked the exit. "Move!" I pleaded. I needed to get to Yuuri! He did as I told and took a step aside. Strange.

"The taxi is waiting. You are welcome." He grinned and opened the doors for me like a gentleman. I darted him a grateful glance and sprinted off into the taxi.

It took far too long to get to the hospital. Unfortunately, we got caught in a traffic jam. I cursed to myself. The driver turned around.

"The hospital is two blocks from here. Just go. I will charge the boy who called me." I didn't need to hear this twice; pushing the door open, I ran. A few cars honked, but I didn't care.

_Yuuri._

I slammed the doors of the hospital open and immediately sprinted towards the elevator. I had been here so many times I knew exactly where they were, and which route was the shortest. Nearly slipping around the corner, I swung myself around the railing. Pushing the button for around eight times, I looked around frantically. Come on, open already! With a _bing_ , the doors eventually opened.

_Second floor._

The other people in the elevator shot me strange looks. I couldn't care less.

As the elevator beeped, I ran out and saw a few nurses in the corridor. Some smiled knowingly at me. Right, they already knew me. I opened the door of the last room on the right. My heart skipped a beat.

Yuuri was still lying in bed, hadn't shifted since yesterday, but the ventilator was gone. He was wearing an oxygen mask. A nurse was standing next to him; eyes fixed on the monitor. She nodded when she saw me enter.

"Yuuri?" I whispered and moved toward him. Swallowing, I closed the distance between us with just the bed separating us. “I was told…there was a change?” I choked out. My heart was hammering against my ribcage, and my hands were sweaty.

“Yes, we always talk to our patients and explain what we are doing while doing it. When I was changing the fluids, there was an interview with a skater by the name of JJ and his song played, and Yuuri flinched," She explained and took his hand. The movement was casual, trained, familiar even.

"How long?" I asked. I couldn't believe it: Yuuri was responding to something!

“For a couple of days already, but always in the evening. The neurosurgeon suggests a shift of his circadian cycle towards the night. That’s why you might have never noticed the change, but it was there. Yesterday, he tried to rip out the tube and was choking on it. He has begun protecting his airways again. That's an excellent sign.” My heart was a hummingbird in my ribcage trying to break out. This was incredible news! Finally, after all those weeks, this was real!

"Yuuri, can you squeeze my hand?" She asked gently. My eyes fixed on Yuuri's hand. Please, move! Holding my breath, I squinted to see clearly in the darkened room. Come on!

There it was. The movement was small and shaky and mechanical, but it was still there! Yuuri’s fingers curled around the nurse’s. Breathing out, I felt my eyes burn; my head resisted to the pressure from inside. Breathing in, it sounded like a snivel. This was real. Yuuri was responding!

“That’s very good, Yuuri. I will let you rest now,” She said and smiled at me. I bit my lip to keep my face from cramping into a crying mess. “I will leave you for a moment, but he needs rest.” With those words, she left the room and closed the door behind her.

I sat down on the chair. The dimmed room made me comfortable and tired at the same time. I hadn’t known at what extension the pressure, the guilt and the fears from the past few weeks had drained me until they fell off in this moment. My body felt light and free; Everything is going uphill from now on. It will get better; I know it will.

Closing my eyes, I let the fatigue wash over me.

 

* * *

 

**Yuuri’s POV:**

My throat burned. It felt so dry. When was the last time I drank something?

Something was beeping in the room. Was it the alarm clock? Am I late? What time was it?

The room smelled familiar. Was I back in Detroit? Did I fall asleep during my shift?

My leg hurt. Did I trip?

I tried opening my eyes. My eyelids were heavy, and they shut down on the first try. Maybe it was still too early to wake up. Five more minutes? Yeah, five more minutes.

“Yuuri? Can you hear me? I am here!” There was a voice. A very, very distant voice. It sounded muffled, and a hand gripped mine. It felt good. Who was it? I was far too tired to care. If it were the supervisor, he would call again. I let the comforting darkness swallow me.

The next time I woke up, I was less tired. Prying my eyes open, I recognised a silhouette next to me. Oh, I wasn’t wearing my glasses. Letting my eyelids shut again, I breathed in. The bed stirred.

"Yuuri?" Someone called me, but I didn't recognise the voice. It wasn't Phichit. It wasn’t my mom. It wasn’t my supervisor either. Who was it?

I grunted and opened my eyes once more. Oh, the ceiling was blue. I liked that colour. Wait, the roof doesn't have a carpet. Or was that hair? Blinking, I stared into blue eyes. Someone was hovering above me.

"Yuuri." The eyes drew away, and the face became more manifest. No, that wasn't my supervisor. No, he didn't look this handsome. Then who was this?

“Oh my god, Yuuri! Can you hear me?” The handsome face said. Funny, it was just a face. And why was this face talking to me like it knew me? What god is he talking about? Or does he believe in a god at all? Many people say _oh my god_ without believing in one.

"What god?" My voice was hoarse and scratching against my throat. The face shifted into a person, and I heard laughter. Was it funny? The question was legitimate. Then there was a very loud sob. Oh, did I insult that person by assuming he was religious?

"I'm getting you a doctor. Don't you dare to go to sleep again!" But I wanted to sleep. Sleep was good. Sleep felt nice.

A few moments later, the door opened again, and four people entered. Three of them were women and the other one… he was the religious guy from before.

“Good morning, Yuuri. I’m Dr Espina, how are you feeling?" One of the women said while another approached me. The other two stood at the foot of the bed. Was I in a hospital? Why?

“Good…morning? I’m fine, I guess?" I whispered back, and my throat scratched. I cleared my throat, but it didn't help.

“Alma, can you get him some water?” One of the women in a white coat said. The woman next to me nodded and went out.

“Can you tell me your name and age?” She asked. She looked like a doctor.

“Yuuri…Katsuki. I’m…22?” Right, what year are we? And where am I even? This isn’t Detroit. She had a funny accent. Did I get hit by a car?

“Alright. What do you do for a living?” I didn’t even graduate.

“I’m a student,” I answered after some thinking. The woman came back with a cup of water with a straw. She set up the bed for me and handed me the cup. “Thank you,” I said and took a sip. It felt good. Then she gave me my glasses. _Hospital Clínic de_ _Barcelona_ , her name was Alma Fernandez. Why on earth was I in Barcelona?

“What university?” Oh, there was a follow-up to a follow-up.

“Henry Ford,” I answered.

“Do you know who this is?” The doctor asked me again. She had brown curls and wore glasses. I looked to the person she gestured to. Oh, the religious guy. Wait. Hold on. Is that…

“Victor Nikiforov? Oh my god, what are you doing here? And when did you cut your hair?” I nearly dropped the cup. What the hell was Victor fricking Nikiforov doing here? I saw him gasp. His eyes widened. Okay, so I know him? Like, personally? He looks outright shocked or even offended. Was he mad I assumed he was religious? Or was I being obnoxious by asking which god? Oh no, don't tell me he was, in reality, an intellectual terrorist! My childhood would be ruined! 

“Do you know where you are?” No idea. I shook my head. Then I remembered the name tag.

“Barcelona?” I guess? I had no idea why and how and when.

“Do you know what happened?” You ask me things!

“I don’t know?” The doctor nodded. I glanced at Victor Nikiforov. Why was he here? I have worshipped him since my childhood, but I don't remember meeting him. When did he even cut his hair?

"Do you want us to call someone?" She offered, and I nodded. I needed someone who could explain to me what the hell was going on and why I was in Barcelona in the first place. My supervisor must be furious!

“Phichit Chulanont. He’s my roommate in Detroit. I have the number on my phone,” I answered. Victor Nikiforov looked outright offended. Okay, this was weird? "Oh, uhm…I…I'm sorry? Do we know each other personally?" I asked and tipped my head to the side. I would remember meeting my idol. _Right?_

I saw how he exchanged glances with the doctor. They were hiding something. “I was around when it happened. How are you feeling?” He said eventually, but he was lying. There was more to it. Did he hit me?

"I'm fine, but what happened?" If he was there, then he could tell me more, right? At that moment, the door opened again, and Phichit rushed in, Celestino in tow. Phichit was wearing his black cloth mouthpiece.

“Yuuri! How are you?” He exclaimed when he saw me. Sprinting towards me, he pulled me into a bear hug. “Buddy! I was so worried!” I flinched when I saw Celestino. I fired him and then I was hiding from him… Not good?

“Hey, Phichit! I’m really confused right now! Why are you in Barcelona too? What happened? Oh, and did you call Ben?” It was so good seeing him. The presence of Victor Nikiforov was still the elephant in the room, but now with Phichit, it wasn’t that awkward anymore. My friend pulled away and smiled.

“Yes, I called Ben. It’s alright. He was worried too, but he’s happy you’re fine! He will make you catch up on the hours, though,” He added with a wink. I grunted and wanted to hide under the covers. My supervisor was a pain in the ass.

“Okay, what happened? I can’t remember anything!” I saw how the doctors left the room. Victor Nikiforov sent me one last sad glance before he was shoved out by Celestino. 

“Oh jeez, I can’t believe you don’t remember our adventures! We came to Barcelona for vacation! When we got our luggage, you saw a dog running loose over the street. You wanted to save it so badly, you tripped over your luggage and got hit by a car! You scared the hell out of me! But you are a puppy hero now! Just like Iron Man of the Pups, just without the suit!” Wow. Okay? That was crazy, but totally something I would do.

I yawned when a wave of fatigue washed over me. “Are you okay? Tired?” Phichit asked and wiggled his eyebrows. Am I dreaming or was his hair longer?

"Yeah, tired. I know I'm sleep-deprived, but I didn't know to what expanse… I feel like I can sleep for an entire week!" I exclaimed, extremely frustrated. This was weird. I wanted to sleep more than anything else. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't even thirsty anymore.

"Okay, bud. I will let you sleep. I might catch up on some sleep too," He added with a wink and moved my bed down. I hummed with closed eyes until I heard the door close. I turned to the side. The day was weird. I was in Barcelona; I was hit by a car while trying to save a dog, and Victor Nikiforov acts as he knows me. If this is a dream, please don't let me wake up. 

 

* * *

 

**Victor's POV:**

I let Celestino drag me outside. I can't believe this is happening! Yuuri finally woke up, and he doesn't even seem to remember us! He knows who I am, of course, he does, Yuuri told me once he had been idolising me for half his life, but he doesn't remember us as a couple. Why is this happening? Did I deserve this? Was this a hint of fate for me to finally let it go?

“Mr Nikiforov, we understand you are upset, but this might be temporary. We have a lot of coma patients who are very confused when they wake up. Yuuri is one of the less confused ones given the circumstances,” Dr Espina gave me a gentle smile. I bit my lip. How can this be good? Yuuri doesn't even remember us! How am I supposed to face him now? I…I can't just leave and disappear from his life. I can't. I might be very selfish for not doing so given the damage I have already done, but I have to get him through this! I have to stand by him and help him through everything, and when he is ready, I will disappear. I will go back to my own life and Yuuri will continue his life. I was prepared to pay the price if it should bring him happiness. 

"Look, he doesn't seem to remember anything from the past two years. He still thinks he's 22 and in Detroit, Henry Ford, studying. He still may remember everything. Give him time," The other girl smiled. I just noticed she was the med student from then. _Mariah Bernhard_ , her name tag said.

“Thank you. Even if Yuuri shouldn’t remember me… we can make new memories, right?” She smiled when I said that. I didn’t quite believe it myself. New memories. What happens to the old ones then? I will be the only one of us remembering them. For Yuuri, this is a brand-new chapter, but for me, I am overwriting something. Our memories will be nothing more than palimpsests.

The door opened, and Phichit came out with a sigh.

“How is he?” I asked. The Thai skater looked up in surprise as if he didn’t expect to see me.

"Confused, but I guess you know that already. the is still super worried about his supervisor. I let him sleep for now. Care to get brunch?” He asked, looking tired too. I nodded. Together with Celestino, we went downstairs to the cafeteria and got breakfast.

"How long was he in Detroit?" I asked after a while. Celestino looked up while Phichit resumed sipping his coffee.

“He came to Detroit almost six years ago. He and Phichit have been roommates for three years, right?" Phichit nodded enthusiastically. Three years. Wow. 

“What was his lifestyle like? Did he have a lot of friends? Does he go out often?” I asked, curious. We are talking about a Yuuri I didn’t know. I somehow seem to forget he had a life before we met. Celestino and Phichit exchanged glances.

"Well, he was juggling with skating, university and his private life. He never went out until I dragged him to something. He was more comfortable at home with my hamsters. Or at the rink.” Phichit suggested. It sounded a lot like the Yuuri I know.

Biting my lip, I looked from Phichit to Celestino and finally down to my coffee. “I don’t know, guys. Maybe this is a sign I should leave Yuuri alone. He was fine until I crashed into his life-“ I shut my mouth when I saw Phichit’s horrified expression.

"No, no, no! Yuuri has idolised you half his life! You can't just do that! Don't leave him like that! He needs you right now!" Phichit was gesticulating like crazy. He really was desperate, wasn’t he?

"But he doesn't even remember the last two years. Maybe this is the best. He had a happy life back in Detroit-“ This time, it was Celestino who interrupted me. He didn’t look pleased.

“In case you don’t remember, that was around the time he bombed the final. His dog just died, and you call that a _happy life_?” I frowned. Right.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. Maybe I will have to wait and see what happens next?" I suggested. Phichit nodded enthusiastically.

"Totally! Oh, and while you're at it, take some pictures of him, will you? I told him he drools, but he won't admit it! Give me the blackmailing material for a lifetime!" I smiled. Yuuri is very lucky to call Phichit his best friend. I wished I had someone like Phichit too. I quickly shook off that thought. I have someone like him. I have Yuuri. Yuuri’s my best friend and the love of my life, can you ask for more?

“Alright, see you guys for the next show?” I winked and stood up. Phichit shot me thumbs-up, and Celestino nodded in approval. Exiting the cafeteria, I was walking across the long corridors to reach the elevator when I saw the med student with the brown hair I met earlier. 

“Dr Bernhard, right?” She whirled when I called out and looked around her. Then she turned back to me and pointed a finger towards herself, coffee in the other hand.

"Me?" I nodded, and she smiled. "I'm flattered, but I'm just a med student, sir. How can I help you?" Oh, so you don't call them by their titles? Or don’t they have it yet? She looked tired, though.

“Uhm yes, my friend doesn’t seem to remember me, but I want to support him. What can I do? I don’t want to confuse him even more,” I asked. Should I take notes?

“You can always introduce yourself first, but if I remember correctly, he does know who you are? Why not talk to him about general things? Like how his family is doing, if he has any pets, tell him about them. Keep him up to date with things he’s familiar with. Avoid any stress factors like the accident or anything else you might know,” I made a note to myself to remember everything. Before I could say anything to her, something in her pocket beeped. She quickly reached in and pulled out a kitchen timer. She frowned and downed the rest of her cup in one go. “I’m so sorry, but my lunch break is over. Dr Espina will have my head if I’m to be late,” She stuffed the timer back in and turned to run. At the end of the corridor, she turned and called back: “Keep me updated and good luck!” Then she was gone.

Are hospitals always this busy? How are the lives of doctors and nurses? Why am I asking these questions? I punched the button and the doors opened. Stepping in, I picked up my reflection in the mirror. My hair was a mess and the under-eye bags! Holy, they could have their own coordinates and Google Maps would be able to spot them! And was my hairline retreating? Good lord!

When the doors opened again, I sprinted towards the nurse station and asked for tea bags. The nurse just looked at me like I just claimed I was an alien and needed to find my ship.

“These have a life of their own!” Gesturing towards my face and making a pained face, I made her understand how serious the situation was. I wanted to look good when Yuuri wakes up. She just smiled softly and gestured towards the small kitchen.

“Help yourself. Maybe you can even find a concealer somewhere,” She added with a wink. I shot her two thumbs-up and made my way to the kitchen. It was a messy place, but the tea bags were easy to find. I even found a concealer next to the tea bags that said _for emergency beauty cases! AKA if your crush is coming!_ It just wasn’t my shade. The nurses, well everyone, had a healthy tan while I never get a tan. I turn red like a hummer and then get a sunburn.

Pouring myself a glass of hot water and grabbing two tea bags, I returned to Yuuri’s room.  

I sat down next to him. I wish I could turn back time. I didn’t dare take his hand this time, too scared to make him more confused than I already did.

I put the bags into the glass and waited.

Oh, Yuuri, I wish I could tell you everything, but I'm too frightened you will be too confused to follow and throw me out instead. Maybe this is what I deserve. Perhaps this was really a hint of fate, telling me to leave him alone. Let him fix the damage I caused.

Pulling the tea bags out and placing them on a plate with a sandwich that has probably been Yuuri’s lunch he didn’t even touch, I leaned back into my chair. I just have to wait for them to dry.

Looking at the clock, I yawned. It was early afternoon, and I was tired. Was I getting old? Yuuri was still sleeping and hadn't moved from the last time I saw him. I grabbed some of his blankets and made a make-shift pillow. Nestling my head carefully on it, I watched Yuuri sleep peacefully. His features were serene, maybe a bit haggard, but at ease. It was weird seeing him with a beard. We should have that fixed soon. Just a few minutes of sleep would be great. Just enough for the tea bags to cool down. Listening to his even breaths, I let myself drift into the world of dreams.

* * *

 

“Victor?” I jolted awake. His voice was crystal clear. I wasn’t dreaming. It wasn’t the confused voice I have heard before. It was lucid. Yuuri lay there with his eyes open and reached for my hand. I closed the distance between us.

“Yuuri, is this really you?” I whispered. Please, please let it be _my_ Yuuri! He cocked his head and blinked.

“Silly, of course, it's not me! I was abducted and replaced by an alien! What do you think?" He replied with a frown. I gasped and lay my head on his chest. This was real. Only Yuuri would say some silly stuff like that! His heartbeat was steady. I felt his hand in my hair. I clutched his other hand tighter. “How long?” His eyes weren’t fixed on anything precisely, just staring into nothing.

“One and a half month,” I replied and brushed my thumb over his knuckles. Yuuri closed his eyes.

“I missed your birthday,” He said after a while and gave me a sad smile. I pushed myself up and glared at him. “I’ve got you a present,” He continued and looked around the room. “You might want to get it-“

“You are the best present I could wish for!” I interrupted him mid-sentence. Yuuri lifted a hand and put it gently on my cheek. With a sigh, I leaned into the touch. I missed it so much.

“I’m sorry. I was selfish,” He whispered. I jumped and stared at him.

"No. No, I am sorry! I should have… I shouldn't have said what I said. I was mad, but I had no right to say that to you! I should have talked to you! I should have forced you to stay away from the ice! This is all my fault! I am a failure as a coach! I'm so sorry! Can you forgive me?" The words just streamed out of me. The dam had broken, and there was no time to stop everything.

“Hey, look at me,” I did as he told. His eyes had taken the colour of molten caramel, bright and burning like two embers in the dark. “It’s okay. Shit happens. The most important is that we look forward. Don’t let that incident hold us back.” Yuuri traced my face with his fingers and rested at my lips. “Can you switch on a light? I kinda don't like the dark right now?" He asked and I was quick to nod. "Everything for you, my Yuuri. I stood up and switched on the night light. "Thank you- "Then the word got caught in his throat. "What are you wearing?" 

I looked down. Oh right, I was still wearing the costume. The crystals were reflecting the light. “Come closer,” I did as I was told. Yuuri lifted a hand and traced the constellation above my heart. Did he recognise it?

“I had it made for the show yesterday. I skated to Yuri on Ice. I must say, your stamina-“

"Shut up," He whispered, and I clenched my mouth shut. He retraced the constellation, and the touch of his fingers on my skin made my heart beat faster. There was not much cloth separating his finger and my bare chest. "The Little Bear." He said then. He haltered at the brightest crystal. "Polaris. The North Star." I nodded. He did know the constellation then.

“I thought you would like it,” I smiled, and he looked up. Yuuri's brown eyes were glistening.

"I love it. It suits you perfectly. I wish I could have seen you skate in it,"  aHe murmured, voice laced with regret and sadness. I ran a hand through his messy hair.

“It’s going to be my costume for next season then,” I winked and his eyes widened. I thought for a moment; he would be mad, but then his smile was as bright as the sun. 

"Really? Are you returning? Does that mean I finally get to skate on the same ice as you?" I nodded, and Yuuri's smile grew wider. "I have always dreamt of doing it! Finally! I can't believe this is real! I can't wait for the next season!" I took his hand and gently kissed his knuckles.

"Surprise me," I whispered with a grin. Yuuri's eyes shone in response. That is precisely how we work; we challenge each other and bring out the best to surprise the other. "Hey, do you think they will let you out for a couple of hours? The second show is tomorrow and the last one in 3 days. Maybe you can make it to the last one?" Yuuri's eyes lit up.

"That would be awesome! I want to see it!" Holding his hand, I let my tears flow. This was real. Yuuri was here, and he was talking to me. He remembers who I am.

“When was the last time you slept?” Yuuri asked and squinted. I wanted to slap myself. The tea bags! So much as to be looking my best.

“Five minutes ago?” Okay, Victor, try to change the topic! "Do you know why they called me?" I asked him with a smile. Yuuri blinked and shook his head slowly. It worked! "You flinched, and you know from what?" Yuuri opened his eyes again, and the low light made his eyes shine even brighter. Still heavy-lidded, he blinked twice. “You heard JJ’s song.” I burst out laughing. I saw a frown on his face. Then his lips curled into a smile.

“I can’t believe it. I owe him something, I guess?” He whispered; his voice hoarse. I laughed and laid my head next to him on the pillow.

“Yuuri, I can’t image how horrified I was when you didn’t remember me,” Tears were streaming out of my eyes again. I couldn’t help it. I was scared at least, terrified at most. It had seemed like the end of the world. Yuuri slowly lifted a hand and put it on my cheeks. Smiling, he brushed away my tears.

“I’m sorry, Victor. I didn’t mean it,” He whispered, and I closed my eyes. Breathing in his scent, I put my forehead against his. I lifted his hand off my cheek and put it against my heart.

"You feel that?" Yuuri nodded. "This heart beats just for you, and it shattered to pieces the moment you asked me if you knew me. I'm sorry, I don't want you to feel guilty," Breathing out, I searched his eyes with mine. "I'm sorry. I just… I don't know. I had to tell someone. I couldn't swallow it anymore. It's too much! I'm just so happy you woke up! I don't know if I could have subsisted any longer!" I was wailing. It was too much to bear any longer. All these weeks were too much. I couldn't stop my tears from flowing at this point.

“Hey,” I looked up, straight into Yuuri’s eyes. They glistened like two embers in the dark. “I’m here.”

"I know! I was so scared you would blame me for it, and then you would leave once and for all! I was so scared to lose you again!" I didn't know what to do anymore. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and sobbed into the pillow. Yuuri shouldn't see me like this. He was finally awake, and he should see happy faces, not me tearing up the whole time.

Yuuri's hand was warm against my back. I leaned into the touch, desperately in need of warmth. He stroked through my hair and made soothing sounds exactly like my mother did when I just a child.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere,” Yuuri whispered into the dark. I looked up; my vision was blurry. He came closer; then his lips touched my forehead. They were soft, warm and incredibly familiar.

“You promise? You will not leave me alone?” I forced out a whisper. Yuuri nodded.

“I promise. I will never leave you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Important!:  
> **  
>  Thanks a lot to Leradomi for reminding me! Kubo-sensei never told us when exactly Victor cut his hair, but it made perfect sense to my brain that it was some time ago, like more than two years. for reminding me! Kubo-sensei never told us when exactly Victor cut his hair, but it made perfect sense to my brain that it was some time ago, like more than two years. 
> 
>  
> 
> Hey guys! 
> 
> How are you doing? Is it not too hot outside? I haven't left my house for days! I have basically been living in the basement and also my dog is shedding, holy cow! Also, I am retracing the entire MCU timeline after the latest spider-man! Prepare to find references and bad superheroes jokes later on! Sorry, not sorry!
> 
> So yes, here we are! Yuuri is awake! But how will things go from now on? Also, I changed the rating to mature as there will be mental health issues and social media pressure addressed in the next few chapters. The storyline is finally picking up! 
> 
>  
> 
> Faye: So how does it feel to be awake again?
> 
> Yuuri: Great, I mean, sleep was nice but awake is nicer. 
> 
> Victor: Do we get our happy, fluffy ending now? We have been through so much! 
> 
> Faye *eyeing them both in confusion*: Why would you think that? We are like... 6 chapters in and you are thinking about happy endings? We don't to that here? Seriously, we don't! 
> 
> Victor: Well, I wanted to congratulate you on passing the exam, but I guess we don't? 
> 
> Faye *moved to tears*: Aww, thank you! But still, we're not talking about happy endings now :3
> 
> Yuuri: You're mean.


	7. I'll be right here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit has a lot of explaining to do and Yuuri is taking none of it.  
> Victor is clueless.  
> And fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Folks, I'm thinking about adding a soundtrack to the chapters! What do you think? Leave a comment below!  
> Please comment if you like this kind of chapter and if you would like to see more of these in the future! Wishes and critique are very welcome! Please let me know what you think! If you think I did a good job or if there is something to correct, do tell me about it!  
> Have fun reading! :)

**Victor’s POV:**

Mari waved when I came into the entry hall. She was unwrapping herself from her heavy scarf when I handed her a cup of coffee which she took gratefully.

"I never thought I would be a coffee person, but Spanish coffee is not bad, really." She said and took a sip. "Except for hospital coffee. This is gross!" I grinned. I got used to it already. I practically lived here.

Mari came as soon as she could. She had spent yesterday trying to explain to their parents what happened and when she finally got them to calm down, it was already dark outside and it had begun snowing. I had told her to stay at the hotel. Yuuri will be moving to a regular room in a few days. Good news, excellent news for all of us.

“How is my baby brother doing?” She asked while we walked towards the elevators.

"Well, he scared the hell out of me, and now he's sleeping," I explained and pushed the button. Mari cocked her head and raised her eyebrows in question.

“You care to explain or…?”

“At first, he didn’t seem to remember me or anything else that has happened in the last two years. He still thought he was studying in Detroit.”

“Oh, boy! And now?”

"We're good now, I guess? He seems less confused, and we even managed a conversation last night. We talked about everything,” I explained to her, and we entered the elevator.

“This is great! I have to tell my parents about this! What else?” She continued asking while the elevator was making its way up to the second floor.

“We just arrived. Come and see for yourself,” I said as the doors opened. Mari walked quickly past me, right to Yuuri’s room. The nurses waved at us and went back to their work. Mari dashed through the door and immediately went for her brother.

“Baby brother! You scared the shit out of us!” She called out and pulled him into a bear hug. Yuuri sat in his bed, the head of the bed risen and had been watching TV. He made a suffocated sound and then hugged his sister back.

“Language,” He smiled after a while. Mari pushed herself back and eyed him with confusion.

“Hold on, my friend! We were worried as hell, and now you are lecturing us?” She turned towards me and gaped. I made a grimace and shrugged.

“Just you, you really have to watch your cursing. I think Yurio is a bad influence-"

“Oh, shut up!” She hugged him into silence. “I missed you!” I watched the scene from afar, afraid to interrupt their intimacy. I wished I had a sister or any relatives who would be worried about me. It was sad. On top of the world and yet no one genuinely cared. Except for Yuuri.

“I missed you too,” Yuuri mumbled into her scarf and winked at me. I waved back. This is the Yuuri I know. I silently backed out of the room and closed the door, soundlessly behind me. This is their moment. I don't want to ruin it.

* * *

 

**Yuuri’s POV:**

Explaining everything to my parents while Mari was either shooting me death glares or sobbing was weird. Taking consideration of time difference and their work hours, I ended the conversation, but not without promising that I would return home immediately after my release. They didn’t need to ask. Home is where I want to be right now.

“We don’t care about competitions or ranking. We just want our baby home. Safe and happy,” my mother said, and I bit my lip, choking back a tear. I have always known that my parents didn't care about ranking and how the world sees me, but now with the truth laid bare in front of all of us, this really was a comfort. From what Mari had told me, I apparently caught a glimpse of death, but they got me back. V-fib she had said and then nothing. Oh jeez, that was a close one.

“I know, Okā-san. I love you,”

"We love you too!" Then she cut the line. Mari patted my shoulder and promised she would visit me tomorrow. Then, she left me too. I was just about to consider sleeping when the door slammed open.

“Good afternoon! How are you feeling?” Phichit chirped while he swung the door open, a paper bag in hand. I smiled. He jumped towards me and pulled me into a hug. “Buddy, we missed you!” I patted his back and nodded. This feels good.

“We missed Doctor Strange! I promised we would watch it after the finals!” I blurted out. Phichit patted my back.

“I know. Truly sad. But it's okay, the Blue-ray is already out! I can bring my laptop tomorrow, and we can watch it!" He wiggled his eyebrows, and I laughed. This sounds great. Phichit pulled over the chair and sat down.

“Have I ever told you that I love you?”

“Oh, never enough! I even brought you bagels!” He teased and handed me the bag. I just had breakfast but maybe for later. Perhaps Victor will have a bite too. I suddenly remembered something. It was deep down in my memories, but it was real. I frowned.

“Oh, I know that look! I didn’t mean it! I’m so sorry!”

“Oh, you better be! Seriously? Iron Man of the Pups? I’m team Cap!” I shot back. Phichit glared.

“Yuuri, we have talked about this before-“

“No! This is all wrong! You can’t do that!”

“Look, I’m sorry, but-“

“I trusted you with my life, and you did this to me? How could you? What if Victor now thinks I’m like Tony Stark and have a stick up my ass?”

“Hey! Don’t get personal! Or else I will show him the archive of my blackmailing pics!”

“I deleted them.”

"I've got a back-up."

“You’ve got back-up?” I glared at Phichit while he wiggled his perfectly plucked eyebrows contentedly. I could blackmail the location out of him and then delete them too. I needed to. Nothing would stop him from telling Victor.

* * *

**Victor’s POV:**

Giving Yuuri and Mari the privacy they needed for their reunion, I went looking for Yuuri’s doctor. What about rehab? When will he be able to make a comeback? When can he return home? Hasetsu or St Petersburg, it doesn’t matter as long as he allows me to come with him. I don't want to leave him alone and let him go through all of this on his own.

After I found Dr Espina in her office and bombarded her with my questions, she just smiled told me to sit down.

“The last MRI we made was clean. The disease is gone. It’s more Yuuri’s physical condition that might make travelling difficult. We are talking about muscle atrophy. After being in a coma for one and a half months, the muscles aren’t what they were before, and as an athlete, muscle wasting is even faster", she explained to me, and I nodded. I expected that already, but when will he be able to go home? "I will send the physiotherapist to him during the afternoon, and he will check everything. I would say… one or two weeks, but the therapist will check it. But then to get back to his competition shape, it could take months.”

“I have a show next week. Is it okay if I take Yuuri out? Just for a couple of hours.”

“I have found no contra-indications since we are already filing the transfer to the ward. He might even be out by then, but he will have to continue rehab or else this is not going to work.”

“Thank you very much for explaining. I should probably get back to check on him. Thanks again”, I bowed my head and went outside. I saw Mari in passing, and she waved before hurrying off. She had tear stains on her cheeks.

Before I knocked on Yuuri's door, I heard Phichit's voice from inside, and he didn't sound happy. What was going on? I pushed the door open.

“Hey, kids, what’s up?”

"SHUT UP!" The response came in unison, and I jumped back at the fierceness of it. Did I interrupt something? Yuuri looks mad. His nostrils were flared, and brows drawn together Phichit, on the other hand, was squinting and shaking his head with his lips pressed.

“Maybe we can-“

“Back off! The adults are talking!” Okay, at least I tried. What happened while I was out? Does this happen a lot? I have never seen Yuuri this mad before.

“Let Victor decide!” Phichit offered and gestured towards me. Oh no, don’t drag me into this!

“Victor, I need you to be very honest with me… What team are you on? I promise I will not judge you,” Yuuri asked me very seriously. Yuuri was a dork and seeing him this serious aside from competitions was weird. And what does he mean, what team?

“Team?”

“Yeah, team! Like in your superhero camp! Civil war, come on!" Phichit added impatiently. I have literally no idea what's going on. I never liked superhero movies as a matter of fact.

“Ehm…Batman?” I suggested. Yuuri's face shifted into a grimace, and Phichit's jaw dropped. "What?" I asked, truly confused about what just happened. Was that the wrong answer?

“I'm filing a divorce,” Yuuri said after a while.

“I'll get you the papers,” Phichit added, the fight a few moments ago long forgotten. Wait, why would Yuuri file a divorce? Was that the wrong answer? But they were talking about superheroes, right?

“Was that the wrong answer? But you promised you wouldn’t judge!” I asked cautiously and looked for a hidden camera. Were they pranking me or were they serious? Yuuri looked like he wanted to say something, put Phichit put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head slowly with his eyes closed.

“It’s okay. I know a good divorce lawyer. We will get this sorted,” He said and patted Yuuri’s shoulder.

Okay, I get it. I don’t know shit about superheroes! I need to ask Yurio for that!

“Look! A squirrel!” I cried out and pointed towards the window. Both of them jumped, and Phichit plastered his face against the window. Taking advantage of that moment of distraction, I slipped out and slammed the door shut. Fumbling around with my phone, I dialled Yurio’s number.

“What?” He picked up after the first ring.

“I didn’t expect you to pick up so quickly,” I let out a surprised laugh. I could hear a groan.

"Geezer, the quicker I pick up, the quicker you're gone again and don’t even consider being gross now! Spill it, what is it?” He growled. I grimaced. Jeez, he’s having one hell of a good day.

“Yuuri is filing a divorce-“

“I told you! Stop being gross! Wait he’s filing a divorce? Ha! Has he finally realised what a weirdo you are?”

“Stop it! He asked me what team I’m on and something about a civil war. I said Batman, and they freaked out!" I heard my voice going high-pitched. Then was a moment of silence. I almost thought I lost him when I heard a snort.

“Really? Batman? Victor, you do sleep in the same room as the pig, right?”

“I do, why?”

“Then why have you never seen his Team Cap pyjamas? You are as observant as a cucumber!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Victor, you ought to switch on TV occasionally?! Captain America Civil War! Jeez, have you never heard of the fight that divided the fandom? Where have you been?” Yurio snarled back. Okay, what?

“Yurio, speak human! What are you even talking about?”

“Marvel, Victor! Of course, he's mad when you said, Batman! Batman is DC! Come on, old man! I can't believe you don't know Marvel! Or are you that old?" Now I feel offended. Right, I have no idea what Marvel is. When you're talking superheroes, I'm thinking about Superman and Batman. Not Cap. Whatever Cap was. Can you eat it? But why was Yurio…

“Why are you so emotionally invested? Or better, since when are you emotionally invested in anything?” There was a grunt.

“I am emotionally invested in a lot of things, old man. But I can’t believe you never noticed! We both sneaked out to watch the Avant-premiere while you were drunk, I have pics by the way. You were drooling all over the place. And now, go back and tell him you are team Cap!” Wow, that was a whole bunch of information I didn’t see coming. I still have no idea what he’s talking about, but at least I got answers.

“Thanks a lot, Yurio! I knew you cared!” I chirped back cheerfully. Yurio grunted. Grumpy cat was in character today!

"Shut up, geezer! And when you go back, watch these movies! You are missing something!” With these words, he hung up. Note to self, maybe I should really watch them if I want to keep a fight with Yuuri out of my way.

Breathing out and running a hand through my hair, I pushed the door open and put on a big bright smile.

“Where was the squirrel?” Phichit asked, still trying to find it. I hesitated before I answered. I couldn’t come crashing in like _hey, I’m team Cap!_ That would be too suspicious.

“You missed it, but it was really fluffy! I have never seen one this close!” I chirped enthusiastically. Yuuri exchanged questioning glances with Phichit. Oh, oh.

“You guys do have squirrels back in Russia, right?” Yuuri asked and raised an eyebrow.

“Yes! But I thought you guys might have never seen a red one because of yours a grey, right?" Was I a jerk by assuming this? I definitely felt like one.

“A red one? With a really fluffy tail? Oh, and we missed it?” Yuuri pouted. His friend patted his shoulder.

“I was messing with you,” I lied. Both of their head shot up.

“There wasn’t a red squirrel?” They asked in synch. I quickly shook my head.

“No! There totally was one! Just the Batman thing? I’m actually team Cap!” I gave a double thumbs-up, and Yuuri raised his hand for a high-five. I did it with pleasure.

"See? Victor is team Cap, after all. And if Victor is team Cap, then it is clearly better, sorry buddy,” Yuuri sing-sung, wiggling his eyebrows. He was doing a cute victory dance when a nurse entered and nearly smashed me into the wall. I jumped and almost tripped over Yuuri's bed, sending me falling on the mattress. "You alright?" Yuuri asked, and I nodded, content with the concerned undertone in his voice.

“Okay, Mr Katsuki, the physiotherapist is here. Can he come in?" She asked, and Yuuri nodded. A head of brown, unruly curls stuck up behind Alma.

“Hey, folks! I’m Kevin. Nice to meet you!” A dude clad from head to toe in green scrubs came in and shook hands with everyone. When he took my hand, I thought he would be hyperventilating. “You are Victor Nikiforov! Holy cow! Big fan! I absolutely love your routines! You’re amazing!” I gave him my brightest smile on response.

“Thank you so much for your appreciation,” I replied politely.

“Such a diva," I heard Yuuri mumble, and Phichit laughed at it. I stuck out my tongue at them.

“How are you feeling? Any pain?” Kevin let go of my hand and turned towards Yuuri who shook his head.

“Not really. Everything feels just really… stiff", he replied, and the therapist nodded.

“Can you stand for me?” He asked and took a step forward. I took one back to give them space. Yuuri peeled himself out of the covers and brought up his legs. Then he turned using his hands to steady himself and let his legs dangle down the bed. I noticed Kevin nod. Slowly, Yuuri pushed himself down to the ground. While keeping one hand on the railing, he pushed his weight on his legs. We all heard a crack. Phichit frowned and my heart ached. Poor Yuuri!

“Wobbly and my knees hurt”, he said and looked around the room. Then he frowned. “Do I have something in my face?” I shook my head. Kevin opened his mouth and closed it again.

"You look like a turtle trying to stand" Phichit blurted, and Yuuri shot him a death glare. I gaped, and Kevin's jaw has dropped. “Sorry,” the Thai skater added and snapped a picture.

“Okay, can you stand without the railing? Just stand. Don’t walk or anything,” Kevin spoke again. Yuuri lifted one hand and held it out for balance and then lifted the other too. His posture didn’t look right. And then he was falling. Not towards the bed, but towards me! Oh, my God!

I caught Yuuri in my arms last second. I patted his shoulder and forced out an awkward laugh. “That was scary?” I breathed out.

“Tadaaa?” Yuuri raised both arms and managed a weird pose. Kevin cocked his head.

"Oh, boy."

 

* * *

 

Later that day, when Yuuri was lying in his bed watching TV, and I sat next to him, drawing lazy circles on the back of his hand and playing Candy Crush on my phone, the thought came to me that maybe I should tell him the truth. I stood up and sat on his bed.

“You know I lied to you earlier?” I began and looked at Yuuri. His gaze was focused on the TV. For a brief moment, I thought he was going to be mad at me.

“I know,” He replied calmly. Okay, that was not what I expected. Yuuri silently switched off the TV and return my gaze. “And I don’t expect you to. We come from two totally different worlds, and it's okay that we have differences. I quite like that. Discovering something new about you is exciting.” He smiled, and my heart melted away. Yuuri was just so kind and so incredibly cute!

“But I promised Yurio I would watch all of them!” I added quickly, and he raised an eyebrow?

“Yurio blackmailed you into watching _all_ of them?” He repeated, and I nodded eagerly. Then he tilted his head back and laughed. “I can smell a lot of movie nights! You’re gonna love them!” I tucked in his hand and pulled him closer. I pressed my lips to his temple.

“I like everything you like", I whispered, and Yuuri giggled. Pressing our foreheads against each other, we looked into each other’s eyes. Yuuri’s brown eyes had the colour of molten caramel, and they glistened with mischief. Before I could question anything, he was tickling me. I yelped and slipped down the bed. Yuuri just laughed, and I joined him after a moment of shock.

Then the realisation hit me. This was almost…domestic. It felt good, and it felt genuine, and I loved everything about it. Maybe I should tease him a little bit too. The hospital staff was so lovely, they allowed one close relative to stay, and since Yuuri and I wore matching rings, they allowed me to stay too. They even installed a smaller bunk bed inside the room. I’ve tried it. It was everything but comfortable, but the thought counts.

I snorted and stood up.

“Where are you going?” Yuuri asked in confusion. I turned away and moved towards the bed, swinging my hips with every movement. “Why do you walk like a duck?” I wanted to cry out. I tried to tease him, but instead, he was bullying me!

“Going to bed. Not gonna let you treat me like this”, I snorted and sat demonstratively on the bunk bed. Except it was lower than I remembered and the springs shrieked in protest. Ignoring it, I lay down and grabbing one edge of the blanket, I rolled myself like a burrito inside in it. And landed on the floor when I was done with it.

“You okay?” Yuuri asked, leaning over. I untangled one arm and gave him a thumbs-up. So much to teasing. “You know, the bed might not be too big, but we can fit,” He suggested and patted the mattress next to him. It worked! I wanted to jump up and slide into the empty spot, but I needed some dignity after that attempt.

“Since you are practically begging, I cannot refuse,” I held my chin high and stood up, nearly tripping over the blanket and waddled to Yuuri's bigger bed. I saw him roll his eyes, but then he moved over, making space for me. “Turn over”, I asked him. Yuuri didn’t even question, probably exhausted from the exercises Kevin made him do.

I installed myself comfortably behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, gripping his hands tight. This feels good, and I heard Yuuri let out a contented breath. Nestling my head into the crook of his neck, I kissed the soft spot behind his ear, making him shiver. I smiled and closed my eyes.

I wish I could make this last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Friday evening)  
> Hey guys! I am still alive! Oh boy, this is difficult. When your creative window is from 10 p.m. to somewhere between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m., but you are getting old and begin to fall asleep around 10.10? Life is damn hard!  
> I mean, I haven’t updated for 3 weeks! I was in London for 2 of them, but I haven't managed to squeeze out a chapter for a whole week! Why? Bc, I was sick since Wednesday. Oh boy, I am making up excuses. Still wondering how I am going to do this during university. Oh btw, I got my admission!  
> I need to update this tomorrow and fill in the gaps like holy cow, this is Swiss cheese on another level! More like an atom! More void than matter.  
> (Saturday evening)  
> I feel like I am going to throw up at any moment. Feeling squeamish the whole day and oh boy, now I'm sitting in front of my laptop, and I don't know if the floor is tilted or my head is turning. Great working conditions.  
> (Sunday nights)  
> 1 a.m.! But I am happy with this! Now just chasing it through Grammarly and then upload! I am quite satisfied with this chapter! I hope you like this too!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for stopping by! I wish you a good time reading the story!  
> My tumblr is [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/victor-physikorov), feel free to say hello, I would appreciate it :)
> 
> xx Faye


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